wow. intense page. the last panels of the previous page and this one together are really making me appreciate the word “slow-motion bombshell” to describe it
But does he mean he never was a man because hes a coward or genderwise? (Jk. I know its most likely genderwise, but I like how it can be read so many ways.)
It totally reads (to me) as gender or just being himself. I think he’s regretting hiding behind a wall to fit in (especially for the people who abused him) versus learning and accepting who he really is.
“Man” has more than enough usages that it is very ambiguous as to what Al means. It could refer to age, and/or gender, and/or meeting some standard of masculinity.
I wonder if it might even mean that Al is so dysphoric that he doesn’t even feel right in a body with any gender at all. Or maybe he feels wrong even with a humanoid body.
Hopefully, more of the story will clarify the matter.
Friend, you really need to do some soul searching about why you’re resisting a trans reading of this as hard as you are. All this scrambling for alternate takes on this is just a really bizarre thing to do as a commenter, especially a multiple commenter. Go chill for a while and think about what you’re doing here.
Not the above commenter, but I’m also half-hoping that this isn’t Al being transgender. And that’s because of Sulla.
Rationally, of course, it makes perfect sense. Sulla is an imperfect copy of Al, but a copy nonetheless. She shares Al’s intelligence, passion for electronics, and — it would seem — her gender expression is also nothing more than a “what could have been” for Al.
I find that sad. I’m hoping with all my little heart that this big difference between Al and Sulla, the gender, will stay a difference. That Sulla has a personality trait* that’s uniquely hers, and not just “Al, but raised differently”.
*I don’t really think “personality trait” is the best way to express what it means to be transgender, but I struggle for other words. Please be kind.
I don’t particularly have anything against Al being transgender. Or hey, how about agender, like I think Owlmirror hinted? But the (very likely) revelation that Al is trans makes me sad, personally. Just because it’s one less attribute of Sulla that can be said to come from “her soul” and not Al’s memories or Brendan’s upbringing. It reduces the way in which she can be considered an individual, and makes her more like a kid who literally has no interests or thoughts outside of what their parents prescribe. Like (haha) a robot clone. (It’s not confirmed that she “revived” Al, after all.) And because that makes me sad, I also want to clutch at straws for another reading.
Would you feel the same way if Al were a cis man and Sulla a cis boy? Would you then still feel Sulla to be less individuated as a character, narratively less interesting?
I think the thought you voiced would not have occured to me if they had been both of the same, cis gender. That means I would have read it as the default and seen individuality in aspects other than their gender. So I find this version of events much more stimulating and challenging my preconceptions.
I would, because let’s face it, being trans is pretty rare. Less than 1% of the world population is. Most sources put it at a percent of a percent. But there’s probably underreporting, so let’s go with 1% for ease of calculation.
The odds that any two humans are both cis males is fractionally (haha) less than 1/4. The odds that any two humans are both trans is around 1/10,000 using that 1% figure that is probably overestimated. The odds that any two humans are both trans *women* is a quarter of that, or 1/40,000.
Which means that to read this as a coincidence would be slightly sillier than saying “oh I threw fifteen coins in the air and they all came up heads” (p=~1/32000) and not finding that a bit weird. As opposed to the same with two coins (p=1/4).
To be honest I’m pretty sure Al is trans. From the research that we know so far about trans people, it comes from the way their brain is wired — so it would make sense the author follows those studies, even if they could be unnacurate. It would therefore not be weird that both Sulla and Al are trans, since they have basically the same brain.
It would also not take anything from Sulla as a character. It would reaffirm how a bad environnement can mess up a person (Al) and a good envrionnement can bring a more confident person (Sulla). Not all trans people, not all trans women have the same story to tell. And Al and Sulla definitly have a different story. Sulla being trans is not her defining characteristic. Heck, I could even forget it she is if Al wasn’t there as a constant reminder. She’s an overall very positive and cheerful kid while Al is extremly negative, and not open to new people – while Sulla, even tho shy, is friendly. Their differences would be even more striking for me if Al did turn out to be trans. As I hope and think Al is.
Calm yourself. We know its a trans reading based on most of the opening chapters, but given that theres still quite a bit of underlying mystery to unfold its just fun thinking about what else we have to learn about Al.
“O Human Star” is a complex narrative about complex characters.
We can only know about those characters by what the author chooses to show, and even then, certain aspects of what is shown can be sufficiently ambiguous that there is more than one possible interpretation. Readers bring their own ideas into the reading, and interpretations can be changed by re-reading, or finding out more information from the author’s own comments or outside references.
There’s an illustration by the author linked in the previous page, of five of the main characters for Pride. Brendan, of course, is colored with and wearing gay pride colors. Lucille is colored with and wearing bisexual pride colors — even though I am pretty sure that her sexuality has not come up in the narrative. Sulla and Ty are colored with trangender and genderqueer colors respectively, and both holding a pansexual pride flag — and again, their respective sexualities have not yet been discussed in narrative. Yet I am perfectly satisfied to accept that the author thinks of those characters as having those gender identities and sexualities, and has no problem with revealing them.
Al is depicted very differently. Al is colored absolutely gray. He wears a black cloak/shroud with stars and strange small smears of color that I cannot interpret as being any reference to gender or sexuality. Black and gray are part of the agender, asexual, and demisexual flags, but I don’t think that is what was intended, since there’s no pattern that matches. My interpretation is that the author did not want to reveal anything about Al’s gender or sexuality beyond what little appears in the narrative.
There have also been comments made by Blue concerning other background information about the characters, like Brendan being culturally Jewish but not otherwise religious, or Al knowing the Hebrew alphabet and the legend of the golem, but not being Jewish. Again, something the author has no problem revealing.
But there has been no direct statement or depiction by the author about Al’s gender/sexuality that I can recall seeing (besides the superficial early depiction of closeted gay cismale). If you know of such a one, please let me know.
At this point, while it might really be as simple as “Al is trans”, I think it’s understandable for me to think that the situation may be more complex than that, and speculate about possibilities.
If Blue says that my speculations are unwelcome, I will of course stop.
I perceive this “gray/black” thing as a symbol of repression and oppression… Al spent his life being forced to comply with an image of masculinity … he’s very muscular and stocky, very manly in appearance, he was doubtless taught and trained that he had to be the perfect image of a man.
But, as we found with Sulla, he’s actually not got a male “self” inside. Mind/psyche/spirit/whatever. His body is not him and he’s been forced to cover up that fact his entire life, and now, in his afterlife.
I think you’re almost certainly correct about the black and gray representing repression/oppression, and/or probably depression as well. But when I looked up “demisexuality”, I found that it was under a WikiP page title “Gray asexuality”.
It might be that the color was meant to hint that Al was attracted to Brendan because of the emotional bond they established, or because Brendan was attracted to him, or something like that.
I hope Al finds the right words, the right thoughts, the right way to describe one's self. It's a struggle and a journey, but it's easier when there are people there to support you. I hope Brendan realizes this, that he understands, that he and Sulla are there to help Al finally *become*
Didn’t Al say his parents sent him away when he misbehaved as a kid? Maybe he tried to express himself in a certain way and the repercussions were so bad it made him severely repress who he really is
Hey Blue, I love how you blocked out this page so that Al and Brendan have their backs to one another. Physically, they’re facing each other–but visually and emotionally, they feel isolated. Meanwhile, Al turns further into the darkness, while Brendan literally turns to face the truth. Very cool.
Well . . . a mistake is usually the action (or inaction) of an agent (in the philosophical sense of having agency).
I guess Al could be saying that his (her?) life (and gender dysphoria?) is God’s mistake. Or, metaphorically, Nature’s mistake (don’t anthropomorphize Nature; she hates that).
Of course, if this is an expression of internalised transphobia, it cannot help but have splash damage on Sulla. Who is, unbeknownst, listening. Poor kid.
Oh, I had interpreted Owlmirror’s theory as in addition to being trans. Imagine, all those things at once! I’ve personally felt like I didn’t belong in more ways than one; it compounds into extra crummy feels.
And yeah. Al’s still reeling from the whole ‘real man’/’coward’ argument, from working hard to be tough to the point of literally ignoring a fatal disease, and from the existence of Sulla pushing a lot of stuff out into the open. Especially since her comfort with herself is clear and since she’s the only person in the comic we’ve seen be unconditionally supportive of Al and be willing to reach out to help without judgment.
That conversation *really* stood out to me when I re-read the comic after the previous update.
Of course Al doesn’t want to talk about their underlying (gender-related) issues so they perform the kind of masculinity that keeps people from seeing the truth. Completely self-aware about how fake it all is.
With myself and other queer and trans folks I know we can grapple with feeling like we’ve made mistakes with identifying or living certain ways, even if it’s all just a part of our larger journeys of self discovery. There can be a lot of shame and guilt there. Feelings of cowardice too.
I had been hoping that Al was a cis man though because I liked how both they and Sulla could be copies of the original Al but they’re not the same person. Sulla is an innately different being and even as a trans reader, I feel like because of Brendan’s confusion with the original Al’s gender, if this Al is trans–this highlights a sameness that’s not really there
But I do like the idea of confronting the og Al’s discomfort with being perceived as a gay man and potentially the way in which they felt pressured into confirming to that identity for their partner. But I’m hoping for Al’s gender and sexuality to be more nebulous than Sulla’s. I feel like it would give more space for each of them to be independent from each other and the first Al
I feel you darling, I’m right there with you. But you aren’t a mistake. And you have another chance to be who you want, and a family who will accept you. It’s going to be ok.
You know it’s suuuper interesting how, despite all the foreshadowing from literally the very first page of this comic, despite the *sort of brain clone daughter* running around as a perfectly secure in who she is trans girl, and how this revelation fills in so many gaps in the mask Al shows to the world – despite all that – people are still saying that they’re disappointed by this.
Well you know what? I think it’s great. Did I *expect* Al to not be trans? Yeah, I did. It was a very clean, neat story, with a relatively predictable but satisfying conclusion where they become a happy little family and Sulla is through and through her own separate person with a separate gender identity and she has the two gay dads we all wanted her to have. It was an emotionally provocative story that didn’t challenge its own surface level narrative too much, and it worked.
But it’s not going to be that way. It’s *messy* now. Except it isn’t messy *now,* it’s always *been* messy.I’m so impressed by how fully you took advantage of this medium. You’ve told and shown us almost two completely different stories. The truth is rarely in what your characters say or how they interpret things – you let them be imperfect and misunderstand or even purposefully ignore things. And it’s amazing how you were able to build this separate narrative through those miscommunications and misunderstandings than the story you were actually writing underneath it all. It’s incredible. I’ve reread this comic twice since the last update and I was blown away even more each time. Everyone here who is upset, or disappointed, or just a little sad by what’s happening – do yourselves a favor and reread the comic again. Pay attention to what the characters don’t say. See what Blue *shows us.*
And look. Al being trans is less easy to digest, yes. But isn’t that the point? Of this entire story? That things *aren’t* easy to digest. That you need to be able to bend and learn to embrace the uglier sides of life so you can enjoy the good? A story about two gay dads reuniting after death and happily raising their trans robot daughter in a post-singularity utopia would’ve been easy – but it wouldn’t have been the ending this story deserved.
“You’ve told and shown us almost two completely different stories.”
“And it’s amazing how you were able to build this separate narrative through those miscommunications and misunderstandings than the story you were actually writing underneath it all. ”
Blue has only every been telling ONE story.
If it’s not a story you were ready to see, ask yourself WHY.
I was acknowledging their discomfort with the idea of Al being trans as real to them and grounded in their own biases, rather than malevolence or bigotry. I personally feel exhausted by it, but that’s just how it is talking about the realities of being trans with cis people. 🤷
Obviously there *was* another interpretation here and the subversion of it has upset some people. I’m not one of them, so you don’t need to yell at me, thank you. I’m trans. I love where things are going. I love rereading this comic it and knowing I wasn’t projecting the first time around, as i tend to do. I’m even more in love with this comic now.
However, I think there is a portion of the reader base who have been reading things more through Brendan’s eyes than Al’s. And because he’s the other main character, and because two cis queer people in a relationship is more relatable for cis readers than a cis gay man’s partner coming out as trans decades (from Brendan’s view) after their death, they’ve preferred the simpler narrative where only Sulla is trans.
All that said, I agree with your frustration. I don’t understand why everyone is so mad about Al being trans. Failing to notice is one thing, being upset and disappointed by it is another.
As a non-binary person, this hits deep. Feeling like you’re not man or woman, and therefore alien to all. Relating more to non-gendered entities like animals or robots. I can see Al wanting to find a way to be none or at least not male through robotics, I know I would.
I’m SO FUCKING MYSTIFIED by all these readers who have been reading this WHOLE COMIC and SOMEHOW DID NOT GET that it is about A TRANS WOMAN.
All I can think is that a lot of you were so into your a particular wish fulfillment trope of “gay dads uwu so cute” that you didn’t actually read the damn comic
If you’re “disappointed” because it’s not the “two gay dads raising their robot daughter uwu” story you constructed in your head, ASK YOURSELF WHY that was the only story you considered, even though it wasn’t the one Blue has been telling this whole time.
Because this comic is really a masterpiece. Every page is telling the story perfectly clearly and unambiguously. The ONLY reason you didn’t notice is because you had a preformed expectation of the kind of fan service an LGBT webcomic was going to give you.
I think it shows that some of us (including myself) are not that familiar with many trans people/characters/stories to really notice the signs and tells of Al’s gender identity. Let this be an inspiration to learn more.
I thought Al was trans for a long time but I can see why other people wouldn’t see that so easily. We all have expectations, more so when we can’t yet read the story from start to finish, so we spend years with these characters.
The fact is that we don’t know everything yet. We know that Al is trans but I won’t assume he might identify as a woman (as I wouldn’t do the same thing in real life to someone who tells me that they are not a cis man). Perhaps they will identify as a woman and were/are rejecting that gender identity (repressing it because of internalized trauma or maybe even transphobia). Perhaps they won’t end up choosing a specific gender identity. Either way, Al is trans just because they don’t identify with the gender that was assigned to them at birth.
Regarding some opinions that Al and Sulla would be more interesting if they had different gender identities I find that line of thinking discomforting. While I am all in for diversity I don’t really think that is Al’s gender identity (whatever it ends up being) that will make the story or the characters more interesting. They are still the same and their own characters and very much different from each other, even if their gender identity turns out to be the same; they are already very interesting and I love them :p
All this to say to all the readers: whoever you are, please think twice before saying that you would prefer a character to have *this* gender identity. That can really hurt people who have heard that in their real lives.
Where it reads “he” in the beginning of my 4th paragraph in the comment above I meant “they”. I’m sorry, I hate it when I use the wrong pronouns by accident.
I’m Portuguese and we don’t have anything similar to “they”, since portuguese is a totally gendered language without neutral pronouns. This means that non-binary people are forced to choose a gendered pronoun, which sucks.
I understand where you’re coming from, but I’m a trans woman and this blindsided me entirely. I love it and it makes more sense in retrospect, but I hadn’t the faintest idea ;^;
A ton of people upthread seem honestly worried about Sulla being allowed to be her own individual, separate from what she’s inherited from her biological parent, so I’m going to reply with something that I hope doesn’t get too personal. This is also an issue I, and most of my friends growing up, have struggled with. I’ve been told by a parent, while high, that I was so much like them in their failures that I might as well be “a clone,” verbatim. I get what you’re saying, and I get why it hurts. For context, I, and most of my school friends, grew up not as the first generation of sapient AI, but still, as a lot of firsts: first gen from an immigrant family; first gen with parents who weren’t unacceptably abusive or totally consumed by mental illness, addiction, or trauma; first gen where real treatment exists for genetic mental or physical illnesses; first gen raised middle class and given educational opportunities. I grew up surrounded by other kids from immigrant families who were dealing with the same issues you bring up here— are you anything more than a do-over of your parents’ tragedies? How much do you owe it to them to make right what they were never given a chance to— not just the adults you know, but their child selves you see in old photos, that you’ve been granted a strange kind of responsibility for, like it’s your job to reach back in time and take custody of that kid and make sure it turns out right for them this time around? And in this family and cultural narrative of entanglement and responsibility and redemption, what do you have of yourself that’s your own? What part of you belongs to you alone, and what right do you have to it?
Sulla’s gender never felt to me like something that could wipe all of that away. Being transgender is not a get out of jail free card for intergenerational trauma. It just doesn’t work that way— not for this family, not for my family, not for any families grappling with these issues— and especially not for queer families. Statistically speaking, being trans/queer is absolutely something that seems to have a genetic aspect, and I know I can’t be the only person in this reader base who can think of any number of families we know in real life where part of that generational list is “first gen in a society where you can be out and live your life as yourself.” I know so many families where kids are coming out against the backdrop of LGBT parents or grandparents or aunts or cousins who lived and died in the closet, who killed themselves, who were disowned. Cousins who share a secret that doesn’t have to be a secret anymore. I know kids grappling with the tragedies of those older generations who succumbed to trans and homophobia, and parents of queer and trans kids who are determined to make sure their children live in a better world and better family than the one that destroyed the people they grew up knowing— or never being able to truly know. I don’t know if you’re aware of Alison Bechdel’s book “Fun Home,” but the situation she writes about is not a rare one at all.
I was drawn to OHS because of these issues, and one of the most emotionally rewarding things about the comic has been watching the way Sulla is, so so clearly, her own person, and watching the way both Brendan and Al— who I’ve read as a closeted trans woman for at least five years of reading this comic, I have “what will Al look like as Martine Rothblatt when Blue gets to that part of the story” doodles from 2014— have no desire to try to make her into some kind of clone or do-over for themselves or their lives.
I would really encourage everyone showing up to whine about this or to talk about how they think it destroys a child’s selfhood to have the same experience of gender as a biological parent to examine those feelings of discomfort with what has been a really obvious trans comic from page one— the color scheme is the trans flag—and see where that discomfort is coming from. I’ve trusted from the very beginning that Blue was writing a story where every character’s unique personhood is going to be given narrative respect— where the rights of people to be themselves is actually such a profoundly important part of the story, one of the major themes of this comic. I trust her to do right by the personhood of Al, Titus, Tsade, and especially Sulla— her above all, honestly. If seeing that kind of arc is important to you, if you can push through the transphobia and ignorance that make you feel like it’s OK to make comments like the ones you’re making on a coming-out story climax that has been seven years in the making, you might want to stick around to see where that story goes. And if you do? Treat the author with more respect than you’re all showing here.
Thank you. It feels so much like everyone complaining sees being trans as Sulla’s entire personality, and that if Al is trans too then, well, that’s it, they’re the same person. It’s… well, transphobic, for one, to color any trans person entirely by the trans nature of their nature, and it’s disrespectful, like you said. Both to Blue and to this family she’s created.
All of the incredibly obvious differences between Al and Sulla are gone if they’re both trans? What? Has anyone seen them interact? They have similar quirks akd interests but totally different personalities – a lot like a lot of parents and their kids. I’m so much like both my parents it’s a little uncomfortable sometimes, but I’m not them.
Anyone uncomfortable with Al being trans needs to go reread Sulla’s coming out and learn from Brendan’s mistakes and then course correction there.
I am definitely going to have to read this again from start to finish, but… I think I’l hold off on that until I have a clearer picture of what the current situation is. It very much seems some folks have a “well it was always obviously going in this direction IMO” perspective and, while this revelation was never outside of the realm of possibility, it’s striking me how much my limited perspective has prevented me from seeing something so thoroughly telegraphed. So I *definitely* need to get a clearer perspective in order to re-read this without certain preconceptions of what the story is and has always been about. I’ve shamelessly projected, I think, some feelings of my own onto Al as a character, and I hope a more careful reading can render my own hermeneutics somewhat more open to experiences vastly different from my own.
…As an aside, why are we even bringing up genetics? The story has clearly and cleanly veered away from that strain of controversy by making Sulla a *memory-less copy* rather than a *clone*. Regardless of the factors that led Al to be at odds with their AGAB and/or presentation and/or image, Sulla was built from their already developed brain.
(I hope gender-neutral pronouns are fine for the time being? I don’t wanna assume what Al may or may not come to see themselves as beyond Not Male.)
The people saying that Al being trans somehow erases Sulla’s uniqueness blow me away. I appreciate neon moon’s take, but I’m still, just… wow. Baffled. I’m currently thinking two different and possibly contradictory thoughts:
1) y’all know where Sulla came from, right? Sulla = Al – years of abuse & toxic masculinity + a loving, supportive parent. To me, that formula doesn’t leave a lot of room for many interpretations besides Al also being trans.
2) y’all know how… trans people work, right? We are not homogeneous. Blue has created two delightfully individualized characters in Al and Sulla, and even if Al joyfully bursts out of the closet tomorrow, she’s still not going to be “the same” as Sulla. That’s part of the wonder of how well they’ve been written. If you think that Al being trans makes Al and Sulla too much alike, but you DON’T think that Al and Brendan both being cis gay men would make THEM too much alike, then I warmly invite you to investigate your position relative to cisnormativity, transphobia, and the long history of queer tokenism in media.
Back when they started their relationship Al wanted to tell Brendan that they fekt this was a mistake but it kinda got brushed away. In the second to last panel they reference this. Al didn’t want their relationship to be a mistake so they took the cowards route in their opinion and stayed silent about it. They’d rather have this than utterly destroy what they had with Brendan.
One of the things that makes me think that it’s more complicated than Al being a transwoman is in the third panel:
“I don’t know what I am”.
There’s also the line from the fifth panel on the previous page — I still think Brendan intended something like “It’s OK if you’re a straight (or non-homosexual) transwoman”. But Al doesn’t seem to be responding positively to that.
If Al was simply trans, I really would have expected something more like: “Seeing Sulla, and how happy she is being female, made me realize that I really am like her”.
It isn’t that I want or prefer Al to not be trans; it’s just that what Al is saying is unclear and ambiguous. But it could also be that Al is confused enough about everything that nothing comes out clearly. Maybe being trans is just that difficult a realization to come to, for Al specifically.
Oh… there are interesting possibilities here, too. Because even as supportive as Brendan has always been of Sulla, AND even as smart as Sulla is, we’re still products of our environments as much as of our biology. So if Brendan had a mostly binarist conception of gender in Sulla’s youth, then Sulla may have thought, “Well, this ‘male’ body feels wrong, so I must be a girl, instead.” And maybe that IS right for her.
But if Al is some form of nonbinary, then they have to be really confused right now. Because being a man still wouldn’t feel right, but they might be looking at transwoman Sulla and thinking, “That doesn’t seem right, either.” And maybe that’s confusing for them.
This entire page just kills me, and it’s so emotional and beautiful, but I’d like to add another thought (non-controversial! don’t worry!): “The Bear That Wasn’t.”
When I read over that story online I thought it was awfully trans… The bear goes to everyone and says that it’s a bear, and they all say “you’re just a confused man in a fur coat who needs a shave.” And the bear is sure that it’s a bear, and in the end realizes that it didn’t need anyone’s permission… “confused man” is obviously not hard to read as a transphobic thing (though I’m well aware the original author didn’t intend that.)
Al shaves a little while before the fight with Brendan that ends their relationship–it’s a big deal to both of them. Al wanted to shave for a while, but Brendan didn’t agree, and now it becomes this Whole Thing. And at that point in the story, Al literally IS a confused man (or Person Who Thinks They Are A Man) who needs a shave.
But then there’s also the fact that most people would assume that Al IS a bear (as in: large hairy gay man) upon first opening the comic, but Al… isn’t. Hence, simultaneously: The Bear That Wasn’t. Really beautiful level of thought put into this work.
This scene… This panel just absolutely hits me so hard. This is essentially my life.
I grew up knowing I was a mistake, even being called as much.
Today I oft repress my emotions and live a very muted life while I struggle with major bodily and gender dysphoria.
I wish I could be as strong as Al and Sulla, but I know that so many people are relying on me to be strong and just continue being the stable foundation that I am. 😔
Al…
Al no ;w;
ugggh hits close
Hug Al T_T
<3
wow. intense page. the last panels of the previous page and this one together are really making me appreciate the word “slow-motion bombshell” to describe it
http://ohumanstar.com/comic/chapter-5-page-18/
BLUE…. OUCH
Oh wow yeah, that’s would’ve still been really recent for Al, you totally called that.
OH NO )’:
Bottom left panel of the page before is also ouch http://ohumanstar.com/comic/chapter-5-page-17/
Holy sh*t!
But does he mean he never was a man because hes a coward or genderwise? (Jk. I know its most likely genderwise, but I like how it can be read so many ways.)
It totally reads (to me) as gender or just being himself. I think he’s regretting hiding behind a wall to fit in (especially for the people who abused him) versus learning and accepting who he really is.
“Man” has more than enough usages that it is very ambiguous as to what Al means. It could refer to age, and/or gender, and/or meeting some standard of masculinity.
I wonder if it might even mean that Al is so dysphoric that he doesn’t even feel right in a body with any gender at all. Or maybe he feels wrong even with a humanoid body.
Hopefully, more of the story will clarify the matter.
IT’S TRAAAAAAAANNNNNNNSSSSSS
Friend, you really need to do some soul searching about why you’re resisting a trans reading of this as hard as you are. All this scrambling for alternate takes on this is just a really bizarre thing to do as a commenter, especially a multiple commenter. Go chill for a while and think about what you’re doing here.
Not the above commenter, but I’m also half-hoping that this isn’t Al being transgender. And that’s because of Sulla.
Rationally, of course, it makes perfect sense. Sulla is an imperfect copy of Al, but a copy nonetheless. She shares Al’s intelligence, passion for electronics, and — it would seem — her gender expression is also nothing more than a “what could have been” for Al.
I find that sad. I’m hoping with all my little heart that this big difference between Al and Sulla, the gender, will stay a difference. That Sulla has a personality trait* that’s uniquely hers, and not just “Al, but raised differently”.
*I don’t really think “personality trait” is the best way to express what it means to be transgender, but I struggle for other words. Please be kind.
I don’t particularly have anything against Al being transgender. Or hey, how about agender, like I think Owlmirror hinted? But the (very likely) revelation that Al is trans makes me sad, personally. Just because it’s one less attribute of Sulla that can be said to come from “her soul” and not Al’s memories or Brendan’s upbringing. It reduces the way in which she can be considered an individual, and makes her more like a kid who literally has no interests or thoughts outside of what their parents prescribe. Like (haha) a robot clone. (It’s not confirmed that she “revived” Al, after all.) And because that makes me sad, I also want to clutch at straws for another reading.
Would you feel the same way if Al were a cis man and Sulla a cis boy? Would you then still feel Sulla to be less individuated as a character, narratively less interesting?
I think the thought you voiced would not have occured to me if they had been both of the same, cis gender. That means I would have read it as the default and seen individuality in aspects other than their gender. So I find this version of events much more stimulating and challenging my preconceptions.
I would, because let’s face it, being trans is pretty rare. Less than 1% of the world population is. Most sources put it at a percent of a percent. But there’s probably underreporting, so let’s go with 1% for ease of calculation.
The odds that any two humans are both cis males is fractionally (haha) less than 1/4. The odds that any two humans are both trans is around 1/10,000 using that 1% figure that is probably overestimated. The odds that any two humans are both trans *women* is a quarter of that, or 1/40,000.
Which means that to read this as a coincidence would be slightly sillier than saying “oh I threw fifteen coins in the air and they all came up heads” (p=~1/32000) and not finding that a bit weird. As opposed to the same with two coins (p=1/4).
Whence the assumption of independence?
To be honest I’m pretty sure Al is trans. From the research that we know so far about trans people, it comes from the way their brain is wired — so it would make sense the author follows those studies, even if they could be unnacurate. It would therefore not be weird that both Sulla and Al are trans, since they have basically the same brain.
It would also not take anything from Sulla as a character. It would reaffirm how a bad environnement can mess up a person (Al) and a good envrionnement can bring a more confident person (Sulla). Not all trans people, not all trans women have the same story to tell. And Al and Sulla definitly have a different story. Sulla being trans is not her defining characteristic. Heck, I could even forget it she is if Al wasn’t there as a constant reminder. She’s an overall very positive and cheerful kid while Al is extremly negative, and not open to new people – while Sulla, even tho shy, is friendly. Their differences would be even more striking for me if Al did turn out to be trans. As I hope and think Al is.
Calm yourself. We know its a trans reading based on most of the opening chapters, but given that theres still quite a bit of underlying mystery to unfold its just fun thinking about what else we have to learn about Al.
“O Human Star” is a complex narrative about complex characters.
We can only know about those characters by what the author chooses to show, and even then, certain aspects of what is shown can be sufficiently ambiguous that there is more than one possible interpretation. Readers bring their own ideas into the reading, and interpretations can be changed by re-reading, or finding out more information from the author’s own comments or outside references.
There’s an illustration by the author linked in the previous page, of five of the main characters for Pride. Brendan, of course, is colored with and wearing gay pride colors. Lucille is colored with and wearing bisexual pride colors — even though I am pretty sure that her sexuality has not come up in the narrative. Sulla and Ty are colored with trangender and genderqueer colors respectively, and both holding a pansexual pride flag — and again, their respective sexualities have not yet been discussed in narrative. Yet I am perfectly satisfied to accept that the author thinks of those characters as having those gender identities and sexualities, and has no problem with revealing them.
Al is depicted very differently. Al is colored absolutely gray. He wears a black cloak/shroud with stars and strange small smears of color that I cannot interpret as being any reference to gender or sexuality. Black and gray are part of the agender, asexual, and demisexual flags, but I don’t think that is what was intended, since there’s no pattern that matches. My interpretation is that the author did not want to reveal anything about Al’s gender or sexuality beyond what little appears in the narrative.
There have also been comments made by Blue concerning other background information about the characters, like Brendan being culturally Jewish but not otherwise religious, or Al knowing the Hebrew alphabet and the legend of the golem, but not being Jewish. Again, something the author has no problem revealing.
But there has been no direct statement or depiction by the author about Al’s gender/sexuality that I can recall seeing (besides the superficial early depiction of closeted gay cismale). If you know of such a one, please let me know.
At this point, while it might really be as simple as “Al is trans”, I think it’s understandable for me to think that the situation may be more complex than that, and speculate about possibilities.
If Blue says that my speculations are unwelcome, I will of course stop.
I perceive this “gray/black” thing as a symbol of repression and oppression… Al spent his life being forced to comply with an image of masculinity … he’s very muscular and stocky, very manly in appearance, he was doubtless taught and trained that he had to be the perfect image of a man.
But, as we found with Sulla, he’s actually not got a male “self” inside. Mind/psyche/spirit/whatever. His body is not him and he’s been forced to cover up that fact his entire life, and now, in his afterlife.
I think you’re almost certainly correct about the black and gray representing repression/oppression, and/or probably depression as well. But when I looked up “demisexuality”, I found that it was under a WikiP page title “Gray asexuality”.
It might be that the color was meant to hint that Al was attracted to Brendan because of the emotional bond they established, or because Brendan was attracted to him, or something like that.
Maybe.
<3
I hope Al finds the right words, the right thoughts, the right way to describe one's self. It's a struggle and a journey, but it's easier when there are people there to support you. I hope Brendan realizes this, that he understands, that he and Sulla are there to help Al finally *become*
Also another echo:
http://ohumanstar.com/comic/chapter-6-page-60/
“Brendan, I don’t think I’m supposed to be a boy anymore.
Ever.”
Didn’t Al say his parents sent him away when he misbehaved as a kid? Maybe he tried to express himself in a certain way and the repercussions were so bad it made him severely repress who he really is
Brendan! Help him!
Oh, Al. :(
Poor dude. No one nor their past is a mistake… A learning experience, perhaps. Self love is so crucial! I hope Al discovers it in his new life.
Never have I wished I could give a fictional character (or perhaps 3) a hug.
Hey Blue, I love how you blocked out this page so that Al and Brendan have their backs to one another. Physically, they’re facing each other–but visually and emotionally, they feel isolated. Meanwhile, Al turns further into the darkness, while Brendan literally turns to face the truth. Very cool.
The giraffe and the ballerina’s analysis was closer to the heart than I thought.
I have to wonder if his whole life being “a mistake” means that he was the result of an unwanted pregnancy.
Or (and?) more depressingly, maybe his life being “a mistake” means that he thinks he should have killed himself when he was younger.
Desperately grasping for any answer but trans there
Well . . . a mistake is usually the action (or inaction) of an agent (in the philosophical sense of having agency).
I guess Al could be saying that his (her?) life (and gender dysphoria?) is God’s mistake. Or, metaphorically, Nature’s mistake (don’t anthropomorphize Nature; she hates that).
Of course, if this is an expression of internalised transphobia, it cannot help but have splash damage on Sulla. Who is, unbeknownst, listening. Poor kid.
Oh, I had interpreted Owlmirror’s theory as in addition to being trans. Imagine, all those things at once! I’ve personally felt like I didn’t belong in more ways than one; it compounds into extra crummy feels.
THIS REEEEAAAACH tho
Oh man this is breaking my heart
It’s such a gigantic step from knowing what you are /not/ to realizing what you are
What on earth did Al’s parents do? :(
And yeah. Al’s still reeling from the whole ‘real man’/’coward’ argument, from working hard to be tough to the point of literally ignoring a fatal disease, and from the existence of Sulla pushing a lot of stuff out into the open. Especially since her comfort with herself is clear and since she’s the only person in the comic we’ve seen be unconditionally supportive of Al and be willing to reach out to help without judgment.
In. Tense.
OOHHH BOY THIS PAGE IS SUDDENLY
A LOT MORE RELATEABLE
AND ALSO BAD AND I HATE IT
http://ohumanstar.com/comic/chapter-5-page-19/
That conversation *really* stood out to me when I re-read the comic after the previous update.
Of course Al doesn’t want to talk about their underlying (gender-related) issues so they perform the kind of masculinity that keeps people from seeing the truth. Completely self-aware about how fake it all is.
Uncomfortably relatable, yeah. :/
Oooooh no, no wonder Al looks so disappointed
http://ohumanstar.com/comic/chapter-1-page-10/
Oh wow i didn’t notice how the panel darkens at the “everything should feel reassuringly familiar”
With myself and other queer and trans folks I know we can grapple with feeling like we’ve made mistakes with identifying or living certain ways, even if it’s all just a part of our larger journeys of self discovery. There can be a lot of shame and guilt there. Feelings of cowardice too.
I had been hoping that Al was a cis man though because I liked how both they and Sulla could be copies of the original Al but they’re not the same person. Sulla is an innately different being and even as a trans reader, I feel like because of Brendan’s confusion with the original Al’s gender, if this Al is trans–this highlights a sameness that’s not really there
But I do like the idea of confronting the og Al’s discomfort with being perceived as a gay man and potentially the way in which they felt pressured into confirming to that identity for their partner. But I’m hoping for Al’s gender and sexuality to be more nebulous than Sulla’s. I feel like it would give more space for each of them to be independent from each other and the first Al
Why does them both being trans mean they’re the same person? what is “a sameness that’s not really there”? Are all trans women the same?
PLS HUG
Oh shit y’all, I just remembered SULLA IS LISTENING TO ALL OF THIS.
WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW
AOUCHHHHHHHHHHHH ;WW; can’t decide if this is a favourite or most-hated page ;ww; it’s amazing at any rate
😢
I feel you darling, I’m right there with you. But you aren’t a mistake. And you have another chance to be who you want, and a family who will accept you. It’s going to be ok.
I wonder what Sulla is going to say about all this.
You know it’s suuuper interesting how, despite all the foreshadowing from literally the very first page of this comic, despite the *sort of brain clone daughter* running around as a perfectly secure in who she is trans girl, and how this revelation fills in so many gaps in the mask Al shows to the world – despite all that – people are still saying that they’re disappointed by this.
Well you know what? I think it’s great. Did I *expect* Al to not be trans? Yeah, I did. It was a very clean, neat story, with a relatively predictable but satisfying conclusion where they become a happy little family and Sulla is through and through her own separate person with a separate gender identity and she has the two gay dads we all wanted her to have. It was an emotionally provocative story that didn’t challenge its own surface level narrative too much, and it worked.
But it’s not going to be that way. It’s *messy* now. Except it isn’t messy *now,* it’s always *been* messy.I’m so impressed by how fully you took advantage of this medium. You’ve told and shown us almost two completely different stories. The truth is rarely in what your characters say or how they interpret things – you let them be imperfect and misunderstand or even purposefully ignore things. And it’s amazing how you were able to build this separate narrative through those miscommunications and misunderstandings than the story you were actually writing underneath it all. It’s incredible. I’ve reread this comic twice since the last update and I was blown away even more each time. Everyone here who is upset, or disappointed, or just a little sad by what’s happening – do yourselves a favor and reread the comic again. Pay attention to what the characters don’t say. See what Blue *shows us.*
And look. Al being trans is less easy to digest, yes. But isn’t that the point? Of this entire story? That things *aren’t* easy to digest. That you need to be able to bend and learn to embrace the uglier sides of life so you can enjoy the good? A story about two gay dads reuniting after death and happily raising their trans robot daughter in a post-singularity utopia would’ve been easy – but it wouldn’t have been the ending this story deserved.
This comment makes me the happiest. Thank you.
“Al being trans is less easy to digest, yes.”
FOR WHOM?????
“You’ve told and shown us almost two completely different stories.”
“And it’s amazing how you were able to build this separate narrative through those miscommunications and misunderstandings than the story you were actually writing underneath it all. ”
Blue has only every been telling ONE story.
If it’s not a story you were ready to see, ask yourself WHY.
Easier for cis people, obviously.
I was acknowledging their discomfort with the idea of Al being trans as real to them and grounded in their own biases, rather than malevolence or bigotry. I personally feel exhausted by it, but that’s just how it is talking about the realities of being trans with cis people. 🤷
Obviously there *was* another interpretation here and the subversion of it has upset some people. I’m not one of them, so you don’t need to yell at me, thank you. I’m trans. I love where things are going. I love rereading this comic it and knowing I wasn’t projecting the first time around, as i tend to do. I’m even more in love with this comic now.
However, I think there is a portion of the reader base who have been reading things more through Brendan’s eyes than Al’s. And because he’s the other main character, and because two cis queer people in a relationship is more relatable for cis readers than a cis gay man’s partner coming out as trans decades (from Brendan’s view) after their death, they’ve preferred the simpler narrative where only Sulla is trans.
All that said, I agree with your frustration. I don’t understand why everyone is so mad about Al being trans. Failing to notice is one thing, being upset and disappointed by it is another.
Fair enough sorry for yelling. Hugs to you from one frustrated tran to another
As a non-binary person, this hits deep. Feeling like you’re not man or woman, and therefore alien to all. Relating more to non-gendered entities like animals or robots. I can see Al wanting to find a way to be none or at least not male through robotics, I know I would.
Well, Goodness, This is escalating quickly. poor Al
I’m SO FUCKING MYSTIFIED by all these readers who have been reading this WHOLE COMIC and SOMEHOW DID NOT GET that it is about A TRANS WOMAN.
All I can think is that a lot of you were so into your a particular wish fulfillment trope of “gay dads uwu so cute” that you didn’t actually read the damn comic
If you’re “disappointed” because it’s not the “two gay dads raising their robot daughter uwu” story you constructed in your head, ASK YOURSELF WHY that was the only story you considered, even though it wasn’t the one Blue has been telling this whole time.
Because this comic is really a masterpiece. Every page is telling the story perfectly clearly and unambiguously. The ONLY reason you didn’t notice is because you had a preformed expectation of the kind of fan service an LGBT webcomic was going to give you.
Maybe this comic was never for you.
I hear you.
I think it shows that some of us (including myself) are not that familiar with many trans people/characters/stories to really notice the signs and tells of Al’s gender identity. Let this be an inspiration to learn more.
I thought Al was trans for a long time but I can see why other people wouldn’t see that so easily. We all have expectations, more so when we can’t yet read the story from start to finish, so we spend years with these characters.
The fact is that we don’t know everything yet. We know that Al is trans but I won’t assume he might identify as a woman (as I wouldn’t do the same thing in real life to someone who tells me that they are not a cis man). Perhaps they will identify as a woman and were/are rejecting that gender identity (repressing it because of internalized trauma or maybe even transphobia). Perhaps they won’t end up choosing a specific gender identity. Either way, Al is trans just because they don’t identify with the gender that was assigned to them at birth.
Regarding some opinions that Al and Sulla would be more interesting if they had different gender identities I find that line of thinking discomforting. While I am all in for diversity I don’t really think that is Al’s gender identity (whatever it ends up being) that will make the story or the characters more interesting. They are still the same and their own characters and very much different from each other, even if their gender identity turns out to be the same; they are already very interesting and I love them :p
All this to say to all the readers: whoever you are, please think twice before saying that you would prefer a character to have *this* gender identity. That can really hurt people who have heard that in their real lives.
Thank you Blue for such an amazing work!
Where it reads “he” in the beginning of my 4th paragraph in the comment above I meant “they”. I’m sorry, I hate it when I use the wrong pronouns by accident.
I’m Portuguese and we don’t have anything similar to “they”, since portuguese is a totally gendered language without neutral pronouns. This means that non-binary people are forced to choose a gendered pronoun, which sucks.
I understand where you’re coming from, but I’m a trans woman and this blindsided me entirely. I love it and it makes more sense in retrospect, but I hadn’t the faintest idea ;^;
A ton of people upthread seem honestly worried about Sulla being allowed to be her own individual, separate from what she’s inherited from her biological parent, so I’m going to reply with something that I hope doesn’t get too personal. This is also an issue I, and most of my friends growing up, have struggled with. I’ve been told by a parent, while high, that I was so much like them in their failures that I might as well be “a clone,” verbatim. I get what you’re saying, and I get why it hurts. For context, I, and most of my school friends, grew up not as the first generation of sapient AI, but still, as a lot of firsts: first gen from an immigrant family; first gen with parents who weren’t unacceptably abusive or totally consumed by mental illness, addiction, or trauma; first gen where real treatment exists for genetic mental or physical illnesses; first gen raised middle class and given educational opportunities. I grew up surrounded by other kids from immigrant families who were dealing with the same issues you bring up here— are you anything more than a do-over of your parents’ tragedies? How much do you owe it to them to make right what they were never given a chance to— not just the adults you know, but their child selves you see in old photos, that you’ve been granted a strange kind of responsibility for, like it’s your job to reach back in time and take custody of that kid and make sure it turns out right for them this time around? And in this family and cultural narrative of entanglement and responsibility and redemption, what do you have of yourself that’s your own? What part of you belongs to you alone, and what right do you have to it?
Sulla’s gender never felt to me like something that could wipe all of that away. Being transgender is not a get out of jail free card for intergenerational trauma. It just doesn’t work that way— not for this family, not for my family, not for any families grappling with these issues— and especially not for queer families. Statistically speaking, being trans/queer is absolutely something that seems to have a genetic aspect, and I know I can’t be the only person in this reader base who can think of any number of families we know in real life where part of that generational list is “first gen in a society where you can be out and live your life as yourself.” I know so many families where kids are coming out against the backdrop of LGBT parents or grandparents or aunts or cousins who lived and died in the closet, who killed themselves, who were disowned. Cousins who share a secret that doesn’t have to be a secret anymore. I know kids grappling with the tragedies of those older generations who succumbed to trans and homophobia, and parents of queer and trans kids who are determined to make sure their children live in a better world and better family than the one that destroyed the people they grew up knowing— or never being able to truly know. I don’t know if you’re aware of Alison Bechdel’s book “Fun Home,” but the situation she writes about is not a rare one at all.
I was drawn to OHS because of these issues, and one of the most emotionally rewarding things about the comic has been watching the way Sulla is, so so clearly, her own person, and watching the way both Brendan and Al— who I’ve read as a closeted trans woman for at least five years of reading this comic, I have “what will Al look like as Martine Rothblatt when Blue gets to that part of the story” doodles from 2014— have no desire to try to make her into some kind of clone or do-over for themselves or their lives.
I would really encourage everyone showing up to whine about this or to talk about how they think it destroys a child’s selfhood to have the same experience of gender as a biological parent to examine those feelings of discomfort with what has been a really obvious trans comic from page one— the color scheme is the trans flag—and see where that discomfort is coming from. I’ve trusted from the very beginning that Blue was writing a story where every character’s unique personhood is going to be given narrative respect— where the rights of people to be themselves is actually such a profoundly important part of the story, one of the major themes of this comic. I trust her to do right by the personhood of Al, Titus, Tsade, and especially Sulla— her above all, honestly. If seeing that kind of arc is important to you, if you can push through the transphobia and ignorance that make you feel like it’s OK to make comments like the ones you’re making on a coming-out story climax that has been seven years in the making, you might want to stick around to see where that story goes. And if you do? Treat the author with more respect than you’re all showing here.
Thank you. It feels so much like everyone complaining sees being trans as Sulla’s entire personality, and that if Al is trans too then, well, that’s it, they’re the same person. It’s… well, transphobic, for one, to color any trans person entirely by the trans nature of their nature, and it’s disrespectful, like you said. Both to Blue and to this family she’s created.
All of the incredibly obvious differences between Al and Sulla are gone if they’re both trans? What? Has anyone seen them interact? They have similar quirks akd interests but totally different personalities – a lot like a lot of parents and their kids. I’m so much like both my parents it’s a little uncomfortable sometimes, but I’m not them.
Anyone uncomfortable with Al being trans needs to go reread Sulla’s coming out and learn from Brendan’s mistakes and then course correction there.
Thank you for your comments neon moon and Mabel :)
Beautifully said. Thank you.
Also… :googles Martine Rothblatt: :gets it:
I am definitely going to have to read this again from start to finish, but… I think I’l hold off on that until I have a clearer picture of what the current situation is. It very much seems some folks have a “well it was always obviously going in this direction IMO” perspective and, while this revelation was never outside of the realm of possibility, it’s striking me how much my limited perspective has prevented me from seeing something so thoroughly telegraphed. So I *definitely* need to get a clearer perspective in order to re-read this without certain preconceptions of what the story is and has always been about. I’ve shamelessly projected, I think, some feelings of my own onto Al as a character, and I hope a more careful reading can render my own hermeneutics somewhat more open to experiences vastly different from my own.
…As an aside, why are we even bringing up genetics? The story has clearly and cleanly veered away from that strain of controversy by making Sulla a *memory-less copy* rather than a *clone*. Regardless of the factors that led Al to be at odds with their AGAB and/or presentation and/or image, Sulla was built from their already developed brain.
(I hope gender-neutral pronouns are fine for the time being? I don’t wanna assume what Al may or may not come to see themselves as beyond Not Male.)
The people saying that Al being trans somehow erases Sulla’s uniqueness blow me away. I appreciate neon moon’s take, but I’m still, just… wow. Baffled. I’m currently thinking two different and possibly contradictory thoughts:
1) y’all know where Sulla came from, right? Sulla = Al – years of abuse & toxic masculinity + a loving, supportive parent. To me, that formula doesn’t leave a lot of room for many interpretations besides Al also being trans.
2) y’all know how… trans people work, right? We are not homogeneous. Blue has created two delightfully individualized characters in Al and Sulla, and even if Al joyfully bursts out of the closet tomorrow, she’s still not going to be “the same” as Sulla. That’s part of the wonder of how well they’ve been written. If you think that Al being trans makes Al and Sulla too much alike, but you DON’T think that Al and Brendan both being cis gay men would make THEM too much alike, then I warmly invite you to investigate your position relative to cisnormativity, transphobia, and the long history of queer tokenism in media.
👏👏👏👏
Back when they started their relationship Al wanted to tell Brendan that they fekt this was a mistake but it kinda got brushed away. In the second to last panel they reference this. Al didn’t want their relationship to be a mistake so they took the cowards route in their opinion and stayed silent about it. They’d rather have this than utterly destroy what they had with Brendan.
One of the things that makes me think that it’s more complicated than Al being a transwoman is in the third panel:
“I don’t know what I am”.
There’s also the line from the fifth panel on the previous page — I still think Brendan intended something like “It’s OK if you’re a straight (or non-homosexual) transwoman”. But Al doesn’t seem to be responding positively to that.
If Al was simply trans, I really would have expected something more like: “Seeing Sulla, and how happy she is being female, made me realize that I really am like her”.
It isn’t that I want or prefer Al to not be trans; it’s just that what Al is saying is unclear and ambiguous. But it could also be that Al is confused enough about everything that nothing comes out clearly. Maybe being trans is just that difficult a realization to come to, for Al specifically.
Oh… there are interesting possibilities here, too. Because even as supportive as Brendan has always been of Sulla, AND even as smart as Sulla is, we’re still products of our environments as much as of our biology. So if Brendan had a mostly binarist conception of gender in Sulla’s youth, then Sulla may have thought, “Well, this ‘male’ body feels wrong, so I must be a girl, instead.” And maybe that IS right for her.
But if Al is some form of nonbinary, then they have to be really confused right now. Because being a man still wouldn’t feel right, but they might be looking at transwoman Sulla and thinking, “That doesn’t seem right, either.” And maybe that’s confusing for them.
Ooooh!
heh
69 comments
n0ice
We’re all mistakes in our own individual ways.
There’s nothing wrong with being a mistake.
This entire page just kills me, and it’s so emotional and beautiful, but I’d like to add another thought (non-controversial! don’t worry!): “The Bear That Wasn’t.”
When I read over that story online I thought it was awfully trans… The bear goes to everyone and says that it’s a bear, and they all say “you’re just a confused man in a fur coat who needs a shave.” And the bear is sure that it’s a bear, and in the end realizes that it didn’t need anyone’s permission… “confused man” is obviously not hard to read as a transphobic thing (though I’m well aware the original author didn’t intend that.)
Al shaves a little while before the fight with Brendan that ends their relationship–it’s a big deal to both of them. Al wanted to shave for a while, but Brendan didn’t agree, and now it becomes this Whole Thing. And at that point in the story, Al literally IS a confused man (or Person Who Thinks They Are A Man) who needs a shave.
But then there’s also the fact that most people would assume that Al IS a bear (as in: large hairy gay man) upon first opening the comic, but Al… isn’t. Hence, simultaneously: The Bear That Wasn’t. Really beautiful level of thought put into this work.
This scene… This panel just absolutely hits me so hard. This is essentially my life.
I grew up knowing I was a mistake, even being called as much.
Today I oft repress my emotions and live a very muted life while I struggle with major bodily and gender dysphoria.
I wish I could be as strong as Al and Sulla, but I know that so many people are relying on me to be strong and just continue being the stable foundation that I am. 😔
I’m re reading this story, and it still remains incredibly beautifully written.