I’m super shaken, did NOT expect that (I’d seen the idea bounced around by other fans but I thought being trans was something that came entirely from Sulla and a big point of difference between them) — but so happy!!!!
Happy! Becoming cognizant of these things and being able to admit them where necessary are two hard, important steps in being comfortable with oneself. :>
gender identity can be relevant to social environments (especially upbringing), so it’s perfectly understandable. I thought similarly. (inb4: I’m trans)
I am not trans, but it seemed possible to me…the nature versus nurture concept was playing out from the moment Sulla was introduced.
Just because someone was raised in an older generation that discriminated much more (and they had abusive parents) doesn’t mean what/who they are is gone.
Al has been repressing himself for a long time…two lifetimes!!!
Now he is not only around a young happy robot female clone of himself, but he has the potential to fully become who he has always been on the inside if his new family helps him. It isn’t just a matter of having a magnificent body that can be swapped to something else. It is also a matter of no longer existing to the very people who had held him back in the past (other humans—especially his family of origin). How terrifying and wonderful to lose those limitations. I hope we see Al take it with joy as it sets in.
At the same time, my heart breaks a bit for Brendan. Here he finally has his lover, but his lover needs to be someone else…that someone else is really who he always was, but I hear it can be an adjustments to loved ones—even ones who are accepting. If Brendan is gay rather than bi their relationship will completely change.
Of COURSE Al’s trans! It makes perfect sense now – Sulla’s a copy of Al’s brain patterns. While she doesn’t have those memories she does have the feeling of gender incongruence which eventually drove her to transition – and which Al, who grew up in a different time, couldn’t handle and repressed instead. (An interesting idea – since Al said “I’m not gay”, does that mean that their? her? self-conception is as a straight woman?)
I should reread the comic from the beginning – I only realized *I* was trans less than a year ago so I’ll have to look back with this reading in mind.
I mean, I’ll have to wait for the next page in order to confirm this… but I feel like I’ve made the right inference from this.
I’m making no claims on Al’s childhood here, whether or not he would be a trans woman if he had a supportive childhood, etc. But what I am saying is that by the time Brendan made the copy (that later became Sulla), whatever brain patterns *are* transness were copied too – and those brain patterns plus Sulla’s supportive childhood and environment led to her being a girl.
Yup, one of my favorite aspects of the way Sulla’s mind was conceived in relation to Al’s entire deal is how it deftly skirts the complicated issue of genetics vs. nurture wrt queerness in order to focus more on this specific instance. Clever, eh?
This an interesting development
I thought that the way the story was going was subtextually exploring how gender/sexuality can be fluid in people, drawing parallels to the way a lot of drag queens from the 70s-80s probably would have identified as trans women given the freedom to and how Sulla was given the freedom to explore her identity were as Al clearly was not
I think given how traumatic the past week?/days? were to Al, this identity crisis was a long time coming and it’ll be interesting to see where Al ends up…
Um, much as everyone is speculating here, I don’t think Al is going the transgender route. As many problems as he has had coming to terms with being gay, I don’t think he’d make the quantum leap (in his mind) to being a woman. Much like his self-homophobia, I imagine that despite dedicating his whole life to robotics, he has never perceived them to be anything other than objects he can build and manipulate, tools to exert control over (unlike his same-sex feelings). Once he became one, it is causing an existential crisis within him; like his homosexuality, he himself has become something that (he feels) others can control and manipulate, thereby forfeiting his humanity as well as his manhood. He is in too vulnerable a state to deserve, let alone accept, Brendan’s feelings right now. As intrigued as I am to see how this resolves, I have all the feels right now. Poor Sulla has heard all of this; I wonder what is going through her mind right now. Talk about being rejected and rebuked!
male and female aren’t the only options. he clearly struggled with masculinity in the past, feeling that it conflicted with his attraction to brendan while also desperately clinging to his projection of it for a sense of safety while existing in the outside world (and probably this was something he learned to do as a child, to be safer in his own home).
Zodiac sent the link for this to me so I KNEW it was going to be a special page, and even though the dialogue was a bit choppy in some places, I am over the moon because this twist was shocking.
I mean, unless he just means that since hes not human he also isn’t a man because robots don’t technically have gender, but based on their faces this isn’t the route they’re going.
I don’t think Al is talking about gender, but about not being the same kind of organism – alive in an organic sense – anymore. But I can see this going the other way too.
oh my goooooooood it makes sense now. Al was always so defensive about his gender when he learned Sulla was a clone (sorta clone) and his own gender was brought into question. he was bolstering himself to hopefully move past it
Hot diggidy damn. There are quite a few ways this could be heading towards and I’m very curious!!
I also wanna point out the interesting creative choice of having the readers spend a long time – the majority of the comic! – alongside Al as presented in a certain way, both in the past and in the present, before this page. We’ve grown used to thinking of Al in a certain way (well, some did; some had a strong hunch, credit to you all) and now we will have to readjust our image of Al in a way we never had to with Sulla. It’s even possible that Al feels a strong discomfort towards their image but doesn’t know what they *do* feel comfortable as. They’re trapped in an image, a legacy that (kinda reasonably) never questioned the way they wanted to be known by others, because Al themself never felt safe or free or – dare I say – *human* enough to examine these feelings honestly.
I love OHS. Thank you muchly, Ms./x. Delliquanti. c:
I’ve been thinking about this since I saw the update hours ago and realised… the last fight they had… Al said ‘Do you know what a real man would do right now?’
A little upside down smiley face at some of the comments here. Al being trans has been hinted at for a while, but even if a reader hadn’t picked up on it, it’s a little disturbing to see comments that write the possibility off immediately. I’m sure a lot of non-cis people have experienced a parent or friend blowing off a confession as you just being confused, or maybe mentally ill. It’s a damaging experience and I’m getting a few flashbacks. Anyways, just something to think about.
It’s been an obvious trans story since page 1, and it’s ugly of you to come here and scold Blue about what you wanted the comic to be based on your transphobia and entitlement. Fuck off with that attitude.
Not trans, but it feels uncomfortable when I read stuff like that—especially coming from other LGBT people. I was gaslighted horribly as a child…to the point I really had trouble even being able to see myself in the mirror or photographs until after I gave birth (having a child gave me extreme motivation to find a good therapist).
I know nobody is perfect and we all grow at different rates (I am still working on that “social intelligence” thing myself), but it grosses me out seeing people project themselves and their fears on others…even fictional characters. I know I am being judgmental—especially as I used to do that a lot myself, but it is hard to read still.
This 100%. Maybe it’s only because I’m trans, but seemed pretty obvious the whole time that Al is probably trans. I’ve been waiting years for this reveal, and I’m not gonna lie, reading through the comments section hurts a little.
Well thematically on this page, Al dispensed with not being human with his first line of dialog, and the progression builds to his big admission, so it’s obviously more central to his concept of himself than being in an artificial body. Trans at the moment makes the most sense to me. I am also intrigued by Branden’s ‘Of course you’re not a gay man’ comment the panel before.
That’s a good point. Brendan opened up that side of Al’s life and he was never fully comfortable with that. And he never exclusively identified with being gay the way Branden did, so the conflict. Good observation
The idea that Brendan was talking about being bi didn’t occur to me at all. Looking at how Brendan phrased it, I don’t think that make sense. If he was just referring to sexuality, he would say: “Of course you’re not gay.” But emphasizing gender as well — “you’re not a gay man” — almost certainly means he’s negating that gender as well as negating the sexuality. I’m pretty sure that Brendan means: “You’re a straight transwoman, and that’s OK.” I suppose Al could be bi as well, so it shouldn’t be ruled out, but we’ve never seen him show interest in any woman.
“Not a man” could also refer to humanity, but Brendan has been firm that he considers Sulla and other robots to be people. I don’t think he would dehumanize Al as easily as Al dehumanizes himself in panel 4.
Oh, my god. Oh my god. I need to reread everything. Because if Al being trans is where you’re going, then I was definitely not expecting it. I *am* a trans woman, so it’s not like I can’t connect the dots, but this is not how I’d been reading Al this whole time and I am *floored* right now.
This is some amazing writing. You’ve given us fully formed, real characters who stand out from each other while also allowing them to keep heir personal secrets secret. We get glimpses, sometimes very in depth ones, but they still hold some things close to their own hearts, just out of sight if they aren’t ready to reveal them. It’s incredible how you’re able to balance showing us enough to know them while hiding enough for them to feel like real, separate people.
Wow i was rereading from the beginning in light of this update and when the ballerina refers to the detail of the body by saying “Everything should feel reassuringly familiar” and Al made this dissatisfied face!!!! Cant believe i never truly caught how uncomfortable Al was about gender/body issues even though a lot of the clues are there when i reread.
Al has been fixated on this in a quiet way for a while now. Their ballerina, their body horror dreams…Its easy to miss, but this…I’ve been expecting it since I first started the comic.
Remember when Lucille was talking with Brendan at that party, and asking, ‘Do you see any other woman in this room who isn’t carrying a tray?’ While Al is sitting in the background?
Now me, reading this, went first to Al’s doubts about personhood, given the synth body his memories now occupy. I may be dim, but it never occurred to me that he might be trans until reading y’all’s comments. Then it was ‘Doh! Of course he is!’
….which helps explain why Sulla never felt right as a boy.
I am SO loving this strip, from Day One to now. Blue is a masterful storyteller/artist, and I absolutely LOVE Sulla. I think Brendan is trying to be the best father he can be, which makes him a star in my book (a Human Star, mayhaps?) while Al’s struggles are VERY universal and relatable, no matter the issue at their root. I even enjoy the complicated sibling-rivalry-like relationship Brendan has with Lucille.
I’m anxiously waiting for Colonel Lee’s other army boot to drop, because I just KNOW he’s going to try to weaponize the technology that brought Sulla and Al Redux into being. It’s what military men do, in’nit? and it adds another layer of urgency and suspense to an already thrilling story.
And, speaking of stories: do I understand correctly Blue’s post of 11 June 2018, that this is the penultimate chapter in the ‘O Human Star’ saga? That only one more chapter remains? All stories must end, I suppose, but I shall be bummed to see it go.
You know, I immediately got the trans take away from the last bit. It is something I had some suspicions of with the ballerina theme, but still, nothing solid, but as people have pointed out, there were definitely hints. As much as I look forward to seeing this story to completion, I look forward to almost as much re-reading the comic with the perspective I’d have now.
I’m unsurprised my dumb ass missed this subtext, but props to the storytelling in it feeling like a natural progression. I’m going to re-read this comic to see all the subtext others picked up and to indulge again
Blue, if it means anything in this minefield of transphobic and oblivious comments, what you’ve been doing here has been present and beautifully written from the very beginning— mental and body dysphoria, the devastated shirt clutch when Al woke up, the blue fairy from Pinocchio poster as a symbol of making oneself “real” and also as a face double of Al and a totem of femininity hidden in plain sight, Sulla looking exactly like that poster. Thank you for this beautiful, intricately written and drawn story. Please know that your readers have actually seen what you’ve been telling us.
Sorry! I know this is long, I just finished re-reading the comic with a “hunt for transness in Al” mindset, and I have thoughts about this page haha.
————
I guess I’m still confused by the last few pages with the present/past overlap of various memories and how those build up to this page. Based on what’s happening right now in the comic, this seems much more like an existential statement than a gendered one. Especially considering Al’s recent discussion with Anubisbot (Tsade?) and Ballerina, where they mentioned how the only things that mattered to them were what they could see and quantify – a statement that lines up with Al’s own conception of their identity and is echoed by what Al says just before the freak out here about how only actions matter. Mix in suddenly being a synthetic person with, apparently, implanted memories of events that the neural network this Al was copied from never personally experienced, and it’s no wonder Al’s tenuous sense of identity is falling apart.
Plus, from Al’s pov, this is only a few days after that fight with Brendan where a huge focus of Al’s argument was the performativity of a masculine identity and how *that was all that mattered.* Al could absolutely be having a pure existential, dissociative crisis right now (we’ve seen comments from Al in the past that suggest frequent or at least regular dissociation, eg “I felt like I was really there” at their first expo) without any sort of gender identity interplay.
However.
There’s a lot of subtext in this comic that could very well apply to questions of Al’s gender identity. Not to extrapolate too much, but as a trans person who often responded to dysphoria with dissociation as a kid, it wouldn’t strike me as out of place for much of what I’ve outlined above to be a *consequence* of Al dissociating from their gender dysphoria combined with their childhood trauma. Their subsequent refuge in overtly performed masculinity provided a shield from being judged or questioned by others, but likewise shielded them from true introspection, as well. Al’s response to Sulla not wanting anyone to even think to question what she presents as, to wanting to pass in a way that draws the least attention, really brings this to mind for me.
Much of what drives Al is the desire to hide – hide what, though? Al is comfortable enough with liking men to have a years-long, queer relationship, even if it is a private one. Someone so afraid of their own sexuality wouldn’t be able to have the kind of comfort Al has being with Brendan. Yet, when Brendan asks about what *does* make Al nervous, Al *immediately* shuts down. This suggests to me that it’s something else. Something *related,* but not simply being a queer man. And it isn’t being *seen* as queer, either – Al will take a stance on not being public, but they won’t say anything regarding *why.* It’s only when Brendan chooses to insist on a reason, instead of accepting it, that Al’s defenses come up all the way and conversation shuts down.
Now, the last two pieces of evidence – first, Sulla. I don’t think there’s a lot to be said regarding the innateness of her gender identity and how that applies to Al, but let’s assume that, outside of emotional memories, she has an otherwise exact copy of Al’s brain structure. Same tics as she gets older, the same weirdness around people, the same enthusiasm for electronics and computers, etc. – she is extremely similar in all these little ways the biggest difference is just her upbringing, right? With Sulla, her father was supportive of all her interests. Brendan read her stories of boys who turn into princesses at her insistence, never negatively commented on her interest in magical girls, let her put up posters of female icons and role models, decorate her door with stars and sleep with stuffed bunnies – Brendan was very, very affirming through her whole childhood. We know Al had a bad childhood. We know they only found confidence after leaving their parents’ home and being taught to be seen for what they can do, rather than who they are, by their aunt and uncle. If Al and Sulla are cut from the same cloth, then she is a very strong argument in favor of Al being trans. But we don’t know, and I don’t personally think we should. They’re different people who are related and very similar, but not the *same* person.
Lastly, a minor bit of evidence but one that stands out for me, is what Al says here, on this page. “I’m not gay.” Not “I’m not a person,” or “I can’t love you as a man (because I’m a robot),” but a specific rejection of the label “gay.” And then, of course, what comes next.
Now… why would Al say something so specific unless what’s happening is at least partially centered around their gender? Denying your own person-hood when you wake up in a synthetic body is one thing, and not wanting to reconnect with your partner because of that dissociation is another, but saying “I’m not gay” and then “I’m not a man” as the focal points of your distress don’t strike me as coming from a place of purely existentialist anxiety.
So, to sum all this up, I’m not sure if Al is trans. I can definitely read them that way and this page really makes me *want* to, but I could see it not going that way just as easily. Maybe even more easily, looking at the comic as a whole. I don’t really care which way you’re going, I love this comic for so many reasons already, and Al being either trans or cis won’t change that. ♥♥♥
That’s a really insighful analysis, I dig it! One of my favorite things about Al’s characterization has always been how much they detach instinctively from their own issues and focus on functional, concrete things and concrete ways of dealing with said things (partly due to their upbringing, like you mention); in a way, being turned into a robot is almost like an eerily fitting fate for them. Identity is a very strong theme in this comic, and there’s no unambiguous seam, I think, between Al’s identity regarding gender and their identity in a broader, existential sense.
Sulla herself is a very interesting case – “cut from the same cloth […] but not the same person” is such a good way to put it! I think we sort of tend to forget that Sulla isn’t made from Al’s DNA like a clone, but from their brain as it existed in adulthood, minus the memories (sort of). Al’s brain has gone through all they did (obviously), and I am not very knowledgeable about neurology but I don’t think memory is the only thing that changes as you develop as a person? So it’s a complicated issue we have here regarding identity. And Sulla herself *does* have issues regarding identity and belonging herself that neither exclude nor tie back directly to her being trans, so Al’s case could be similarly complex, barring the fact that Al never even got the encouragement or space to extricate all that as a youngster.
Anyway thank you for sharing this insight! Lots of good theorizing in this page’s comments. C:
I just spent the whole night reading this comic without a pause, and it’s by far the best webcomic I’ve ever read! I can’t tell how much it’s made me feel while reading it, the characters are just so complex and felt so real… I’ll be waiting for the next update and support this comic as much as I can! (Feel free to correct any mistakes I could have made kn this comment, I still need to work on my english ^^’ )
I think what breaks my heart the most about this page is how *certain* Al sounds. It’s not “I don’t think I’m a man,” it’s “I’m *not* a man!”
That sn’t someone who’s just putting this together after seeing a teenage brain clone of theirs running around as a happy little trans girl – that’s someone who knows who and what they are. Who *has* known for a long time with perfect clarity.
God… I’m crying again. How long has she been deliberately not vocalizing this, despite being fully aware of herself? Please don’t fuck this up Brendan. Please tell me you learned from Sulla because Al is going to need your support here almoat more than Sulla did. She’s been holding this in for decades, most likely.
(i hope she/her is okay? Considering that’s what Sulla uses I assumed they were safe for Al, too, but maybe they/them would be better for now? Sulla just seems pretty binary and I know I felt weird when people used they/them for me after I came out when I wanted she/her but they weren’t comfortable thinking of me as a woman yet… ahh anyway omg the wait for an update is killing me hahaha)
What an incredible reveal. It was set up and built toward perfectly, and even though I’m not shocked (because it was always a possibility) it still took my breath away… I’m so proud of Al and I love them/her. The way you built this narrative to clearly frame Al through Brendan’s eyes as opposed to through Al’s perspective apart from those little glimpses we got, it simulates for us as the audience the cognitive dissonance of someone you love and think you (mostly) understand turning around and recontextualizing everything you thought you knew about them. I totally understand the people who are feeling hurt reading through the comments, it does suck to see people grasping for a different explanation when that is what so many trans people have experienced when what they needed was acceptance and love. At the same time, I think this conversation is showing just HOW powerful your writing is, Blue – many readers are experiencing this cognitive dissonance at Al’s reveal because they’re seeing it through Brendan’s eyes, just as you set up… and having the experience of working through that with this comic will broaden minds and hearts. Maybe not every time, maybe not this time, even, but it will be a powerful catalyst for people.
I’m full of so many emotions – this climax is spectacular. Thank you for your amazing storytelling, Blue – and thank you for your courage, Al.
Called it! Of *course* Sulla would have an easier time coming out. She lives in a time where societal transmisogyny & cisnormativity is a tiny fraction of what Al(?) dealt with growing up, and not only that but she grew up as a robot, knowing she could make whatever alterations she wanted to her body relatively easily. I’ve been thinking Al(?) was an egg ever since Sulla was first introduced, but all the moreso when I saw how they reacted to her existence
My first thought was to ask whether that’s “I’m not a man now” or “I have always been not a man.” After all, it’s still a possibility that Sulla being female was an inaccuracy in the recording of a dying brain, one that was (likely unwittingly) replicated in whatever was done to produce this more accurate replica of Al. Sure, there’s been apparent dramatic irony on the subject in flashbacks, but since Al never reacted to it, we don’t know it’s not a red herring. I don’t like to assume.
But what can I reasonably do but assume? Certainly not ask Al, for why should I expect a reliable answer? Al has nothing but memory to say whether anything changed, and in the case that Al’s feelings aren’t accurate to the original why should the memories of feelings be any different? I don’t even trust my own memories of feelings, and I was never once resurrected with a copy of unknown providence and fidelity.
I have discovered a truly marvelous discussion of the indistinguishability of whether Al was always trans or it was simply an artifact of Brendan’s incomplete scan which ended up in both Sulla and synthetic Al which this comment section is too narrow to contain (because it ate my comment the first time).
AAAAH
Whoop, there it is
either OH NO or OH OKAY! depending on if its in the existential sense or the gender sense.
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
✧・ﾟ:*✧・ﾟ:*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ✧・ﾟ:*✧・ﾟ:*
I’m super shaken, did NOT expect that (I’d seen the idea bounced around by other fans but I thought being trans was something that came entirely from Sulla and a big point of difference between them) — but so happy!!!!
happy?
Happy! Becoming cognizant of these things and being able to admit them where necessary are two hard, important steps in being comfortable with oneself. :>
how could any fan read this comic and think this. totally baffling to me!
gender identity can be relevant to social environments (especially upbringing), so it’s perfectly understandable. I thought similarly. (inb4: I’m trans)
I am not trans, but it seemed possible to me…the nature versus nurture concept was playing out from the moment Sulla was introduced.
Just because someone was raised in an older generation that discriminated much more (and they had abusive parents) doesn’t mean what/who they are is gone.
Al has been repressing himself for a long time…two lifetimes!!!
Now he is not only around a young happy robot female clone of himself, but he has the potential to fully become who he has always been on the inside if his new family helps him. It isn’t just a matter of having a magnificent body that can be swapped to something else. It is also a matter of no longer existing to the very people who had held him back in the past (other humans—especially his family of origin). How terrifying and wonderful to lose those limitations. I hope we see Al take it with joy as it sets in.
At the same time, my heart breaks a bit for Brendan. Here he finally has his lover, but his lover needs to be someone else…that someone else is really who he always was, but I hear it can be an adjustments to loved ones—even ones who are accepting. If Brendan is gay rather than bi their relationship will completely change.
HOLY SHIT!!!!!
Deja vu of sorts for Brenan, I bet.
uhhhhh does this mean he’s same as the girl robot? after all these years??
Yeah, basically, Sulla was raised in a supportive environment and allowed to be anything, and Al was raised in a shitty environment and traumatised!
oh well…
???
Wham episode!
of course it’s page 42
Because he’s a robit. That’s my theory.
I actually exhaled as if i’d been holding a breath for a long time.
Not as long as Al has, though, i imagine. Damn. Here we go.
Yeah, this has quite literally been a lifetime coming. :o
Ahahahahahaha
Of COURSE Al’s trans! It makes perfect sense now – Sulla’s a copy of Al’s brain patterns. While she doesn’t have those memories she does have the feeling of gender incongruence which eventually drove her to transition – and which Al, who grew up in a different time, couldn’t handle and repressed instead. (An interesting idea – since Al said “I’m not gay”, does that mean that their? her? self-conception is as a straight woman?)
I should reread the comic from the beginning – I only realized *I* was trans less than a year ago so I’ll have to look back with this reading in mind.
I mean, I’ll have to wait for the next page in order to confirm this… but I feel like I’ve made the right inference from this.
note:
I’m making no claims on Al’s childhood here, whether or not he would be a trans woman if he had a supportive childhood, etc. But what I am saying is that by the time Brendan made the copy (that later became Sulla), whatever brain patterns *are* transness were copied too – and those brain patterns plus Sulla’s supportive childhood and environment led to her being a girl.
Yup, one of my favorite aspects of the way Sulla’s mind was conceived in relation to Al’s entire deal is how it deftly skirts the complicated issue of genetics vs. nurture wrt queerness in order to focus more on this specific instance. Clever, eh?
Same, Al. Same.
Oh my god, I did not see this coming.
Oh wow. Looking back at the very first page of the comic, it gets a whole new meaning.
Oh DANG good eye!!
This an interesting development
I thought that the way the story was going was subtextually exploring how gender/sexuality can be fluid in people, drawing parallels to the way a lot of drag queens from the 70s-80s probably would have identified as trans women given the freedom to and how Sulla was given the freedom to explore her identity were as Al clearly was not
I think given how traumatic the past week?/days? were to Al, this identity crisis was a long time coming and it’ll be interesting to see where Al ends up…
Um, much as everyone is speculating here, I don’t think Al is going the transgender route. As many problems as he has had coming to terms with being gay, I don’t think he’d make the quantum leap (in his mind) to being a woman. Much like his self-homophobia, I imagine that despite dedicating his whole life to robotics, he has never perceived them to be anything other than objects he can build and manipulate, tools to exert control over (unlike his same-sex feelings). Once he became one, it is causing an existential crisis within him; like his homosexuality, he himself has become something that (he feels) others can control and manipulate, thereby forfeiting his humanity as well as his manhood. He is in too vulnerable a state to deserve, let alone accept, Brendan’s feelings right now. As intrigued as I am to see how this resolves, I have all the feels right now. Poor Sulla has heard all of this; I wonder what is going through her mind right now. Talk about being rejected and rebuked!
male and female aren’t the only options. he clearly struggled with masculinity in the past, feeling that it conflicted with his attraction to brendan while also desperately clinging to his projection of it for a sense of safety while existing in the outside world (and probably this was something he learned to do as a child, to be safer in his own home).
Zodiac sent the link for this to me so I KNEW it was going to be a special page, and even though the dialogue was a bit choppy in some places, I am over the moon because this twist was shocking.
I mean, unless he just means that since hes not human he also isn’t a man because robots don’t technically have gender, but based on their faces this isn’t the route they’re going.
I don’t think Al is talking about gender, but about not being the same kind of organism – alive in an organic sense – anymore. But I can see this going the other way too.
I can’t wait to see what’s coming.
oh my goooooooood it makes sense now. Al was always so defensive about his gender when he learned Sulla was a clone (sorta clone) and his own gender was brought into question. he was bolstering himself to hopefully move past it
but ya cant do that he he he
Given that Sulla’s mind is based on Al’s thought patterns, not really a surprise.
Hot diggidy damn. There are quite a few ways this could be heading towards and I’m very curious!!
I also wanna point out the interesting creative choice of having the readers spend a long time – the majority of the comic! – alongside Al as presented in a certain way, both in the past and in the present, before this page. We’ve grown used to thinking of Al in a certain way (well, some did; some had a strong hunch, credit to you all) and now we will have to readjust our image of Al in a way we never had to with Sulla. It’s even possible that Al feels a strong discomfort towards their image but doesn’t know what they *do* feel comfortable as. They’re trapped in an image, a legacy that (kinda reasonably) never questioned the way they wanted to be known by others, because Al themself never felt safe or free or – dare I say – *human* enough to examine these feelings honestly.
I love OHS. Thank you muchly, Ms./x. Delliquanti. c:
I’ve been thinking about this since I saw the update hours ago and realised… the last fight they had… Al said ‘Do you know what a real man would do right now?’
Knew it…!
A little upside down smiley face at some of the comments here. Al being trans has been hinted at for a while, but even if a reader hadn’t picked up on it, it’s a little disturbing to see comments that write the possibility off immediately. I’m sure a lot of non-cis people have experienced a parent or friend blowing off a confession as you just being confused, or maybe mentally ill. It’s a damaging experience and I’m getting a few flashbacks. Anyways, just something to think about.
Yeah, for real, what comic have these people been reading? “The girl robot”???
personally I liked it better when it was a story about two gay men and their robot daughter
That’s fine, but it’s not the story the author is telling
It’s been an obvious trans story since page 1, and it’s ugly of you to come here and scold Blue about what you wanted the comic to be based on your transphobia and entitlement. Fuck off with that attitude.
Not trans, but it feels uncomfortable when I read stuff like that—especially coming from other LGBT people. I was gaslighted horribly as a child…to the point I really had trouble even being able to see myself in the mirror or photographs until after I gave birth (having a child gave me extreme motivation to find a good therapist).
I know nobody is perfect and we all grow at different rates (I am still working on that “social intelligence” thing myself), but it grosses me out seeing people project themselves and their fears on others…even fictional characters. I know I am being judgmental—especially as I used to do that a lot myself, but it is hard to read still.
This 100%. Maybe it’s only because I’m trans, but seemed pretty obvious the whole time that Al is probably trans. I’ve been waiting years for this reveal, and I’m not gonna lie, reading through the comments section hurts a little.
Yeah, can agree.
It’s not like I wasn’t interested in where this story was going before, but now I am RIVETED!
aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! Things…. make so much sense
FUCKING FINALLY
YEARS. waited YEARS for this. ughhhhh so good
“The bear that wasn’t….wasn’t a bear at all.”
Oh heavens! Well observed!
broke: al doubts his personhood
woke: al is trans
bespoke: my ship is AWKWARD ROBOT NUCLEAR FAMILY!
Well thematically on this page, Al dispensed with not being human with his first line of dialog, and the progression builds to his big admission, so it’s obviously more central to his concept of himself than being in an artificial body. Trans at the moment makes the most sense to me. I am also intrigued by Branden’s ‘Of course you’re not a gay man’ comment the panel before.
The face Brendan is making as he says it reeeeally hits me.
Pretty sure Al is bi, and Brendan has known that since they got together. So him not being gay isn’t news.
That’s a good point. Brendan opened up that side of Al’s life and he was never fully comfortable with that. And he never exclusively identified with being gay the way Branden did, so the conflict. Good observation
The idea that Brendan was talking about being bi didn’t occur to me at all. Looking at how Brendan phrased it, I don’t think that make sense. If he was just referring to sexuality, he would say: “Of course you’re not gay.” But emphasizing gender as well — “you’re not a gay man” — almost certainly means he’s negating that gender as well as negating the sexuality. I’m pretty sure that Brendan means: “You’re a straight transwoman, and that’s OK.” I suppose Al could be bi as well, so it shouldn’t be ruled out, but we’ve never seen him show interest in any woman.
“Not a man” could also refer to humanity, but Brendan has been firm that he considers Sulla and other robots to be people. I don’t think he would dehumanize Al as easily as Al dehumanizes himself in panel 4.
Yeah, pretty sure we got a note somewhere along the way from Blue about both Al and Sulla being bi.
oh god finally. I’m sure Al is really afraid of losing Brendan with this revelation since he’s very exclusively into men as far as we know
Maybe he is experiencing some kind of dysphoria and doesn’t feel like anything that he can identify with…
Yep yep yep yep that’s the inevitable moment I’ve been waiting for since he first saw her.
Thank you so much for this whole story.
It is amazing how in such an exciting world, this is the most powerful moment. It is a masterpiece!
This really hits me personally as well. This week I am having my name changed.
I am excited to see new updates. Even with the foreshadowing, it is really hard to guess what will come next.
If you’ll take it from an Internet stranger: congrats!
OH MY GOD
Oh, my god. Oh my god. I need to reread everything. Because if Al being trans is where you’re going, then I was definitely not expecting it. I *am* a trans woman, so it’s not like I can’t connect the dots, but this is not how I’d been reading Al this whole time and I am *floored* right now.
This is some amazing writing. You’ve given us fully formed, real characters who stand out from each other while also allowing them to keep heir personal secrets secret. We get glimpses, sometimes very in depth ones, but they still hold some things close to their own hearts, just out of sight if they aren’t ready to reveal them. It’s incredible how you’re able to balance showing us enough to know them while hiding enough for them to feel like real, separate people.
This is why I love slow burns.
I think the fact that the A.I. Formed from his brain is trans was a big tell, I binge read the comic tho.
Well, this kind of happened to me :(
I came out to my partner as a man.
This hit strong.
Brendan, the only correct response here is to go back to comforting your friend and circle back for clarification (if you need it) later.
Wow i was rereading from the beginning in light of this update and when the ballerina refers to the detail of the body by saying “Everything should feel reassuringly familiar” and Al made this dissatisfied face!!!! Cant believe i never truly caught how uncomfortable Al was about gender/body issues even though a lot of the clues are there when i reread.
Al has been fixated on this in a quiet way for a while now. Their ballerina, their body horror dreams…Its easy to miss, but this…I’ve been expecting it since I first started the comic.
This is…Cathartic.
Remember when Lucille was talking with Brendan at that party, and asking, ‘Do you see any other woman in this room who isn’t carrying a tray?’ While Al is sitting in the background?
http://ohumanstar.com/comic/chapter-4-page-40/
good eye.
Now me, reading this, went first to Al’s doubts about personhood, given the synth body his memories now occupy. I may be dim, but it never occurred to me that he might be trans until reading y’all’s comments. Then it was ‘Doh! Of course he is!’
….which helps explain why Sulla never felt right as a boy.
I am SO loving this strip, from Day One to now. Blue is a masterful storyteller/artist, and I absolutely LOVE Sulla. I think Brendan is trying to be the best father he can be, which makes him a star in my book (a Human Star, mayhaps?) while Al’s struggles are VERY universal and relatable, no matter the issue at their root. I even enjoy the complicated sibling-rivalry-like relationship Brendan has with Lucille.
I’m anxiously waiting for Colonel Lee’s other army boot to drop, because I just KNOW he’s going to try to weaponize the technology that brought Sulla and Al Redux into being. It’s what military men do, in’nit? and it adds another layer of urgency and suspense to an already thrilling story.
And, speaking of stories: do I understand correctly Blue’s post of 11 June 2018, that this is the penultimate chapter in the ‘O Human Star’ saga? That only one more chapter remains? All stories must end, I suppose, but I shall be bummed to see it go.
C’est la vie, no?
You know, I immediately got the trans take away from the last bit. It is something I had some suspicions of with the ballerina theme, but still, nothing solid, but as people have pointed out, there were definitely hints. As much as I look forward to seeing this story to completion, I look forward to almost as much re-reading the comic with the perspective I’d have now.
I’m unsurprised my dumb ass missed this subtext, but props to the storytelling in it feeling like a natural progression. I’m going to re-read this comic to see all the subtext others picked up and to indulge again
Blue, if it means anything in this minefield of transphobic and oblivious comments, what you’ve been doing here has been present and beautifully written from the very beginning— mental and body dysphoria, the devastated shirt clutch when Al woke up, the blue fairy from Pinocchio poster as a symbol of making oneself “real” and also as a face double of Al and a totem of femininity hidden in plain sight, Sulla looking exactly like that poster. Thank you for this beautiful, intricately written and drawn story. Please know that your readers have actually seen what you’ve been telling us.
Oh dang, I totally didn’t catch the Pinocchio symbolism, well done!
Sorry! I know this is long, I just finished re-reading the comic with a “hunt for transness in Al” mindset, and I have thoughts about this page haha.
————
I guess I’m still confused by the last few pages with the present/past overlap of various memories and how those build up to this page. Based on what’s happening right now in the comic, this seems much more like an existential statement than a gendered one. Especially considering Al’s recent discussion with Anubisbot (Tsade?) and Ballerina, where they mentioned how the only things that mattered to them were what they could see and quantify – a statement that lines up with Al’s own conception of their identity and is echoed by what Al says just before the freak out here about how only actions matter. Mix in suddenly being a synthetic person with, apparently, implanted memories of events that the neural network this Al was copied from never personally experienced, and it’s no wonder Al’s tenuous sense of identity is falling apart.
Plus, from Al’s pov, this is only a few days after that fight with Brendan where a huge focus of Al’s argument was the performativity of a masculine identity and how *that was all that mattered.* Al could absolutely be having a pure existential, dissociative crisis right now (we’ve seen comments from Al in the past that suggest frequent or at least regular dissociation, eg “I felt like I was really there” at their first expo) without any sort of gender identity interplay.
However.
There’s a lot of subtext in this comic that could very well apply to questions of Al’s gender identity. Not to extrapolate too much, but as a trans person who often responded to dysphoria with dissociation as a kid, it wouldn’t strike me as out of place for much of what I’ve outlined above to be a *consequence* of Al dissociating from their gender dysphoria combined with their childhood trauma. Their subsequent refuge in overtly performed masculinity provided a shield from being judged or questioned by others, but likewise shielded them from true introspection, as well. Al’s response to Sulla not wanting anyone to even think to question what she presents as, to wanting to pass in a way that draws the least attention, really brings this to mind for me.
Much of what drives Al is the desire to hide – hide what, though? Al is comfortable enough with liking men to have a years-long, queer relationship, even if it is a private one. Someone so afraid of their own sexuality wouldn’t be able to have the kind of comfort Al has being with Brendan. Yet, when Brendan asks about what *does* make Al nervous, Al *immediately* shuts down. This suggests to me that it’s something else. Something *related,* but not simply being a queer man. And it isn’t being *seen* as queer, either – Al will take a stance on not being public, but they won’t say anything regarding *why.* It’s only when Brendan chooses to insist on a reason, instead of accepting it, that Al’s defenses come up all the way and conversation shuts down.
Now, the last two pieces of evidence – first, Sulla. I don’t think there’s a lot to be said regarding the innateness of her gender identity and how that applies to Al, but let’s assume that, outside of emotional memories, she has an otherwise exact copy of Al’s brain structure. Same tics as she gets older, the same weirdness around people, the same enthusiasm for electronics and computers, etc. – she is extremely similar in all these little ways the biggest difference is just her upbringing, right? With Sulla, her father was supportive of all her interests. Brendan read her stories of boys who turn into princesses at her insistence, never negatively commented on her interest in magical girls, let her put up posters of female icons and role models, decorate her door with stars and sleep with stuffed bunnies – Brendan was very, very affirming through her whole childhood. We know Al had a bad childhood. We know they only found confidence after leaving their parents’ home and being taught to be seen for what they can do, rather than who they are, by their aunt and uncle. If Al and Sulla are cut from the same cloth, then she is a very strong argument in favor of Al being trans. But we don’t know, and I don’t personally think we should. They’re different people who are related and very similar, but not the *same* person.
Lastly, a minor bit of evidence but one that stands out for me, is what Al says here, on this page. “I’m not gay.” Not “I’m not a person,” or “I can’t love you as a man (because I’m a robot),” but a specific rejection of the label “gay.” And then, of course, what comes next.
Now… why would Al say something so specific unless what’s happening is at least partially centered around their gender? Denying your own person-hood when you wake up in a synthetic body is one thing, and not wanting to reconnect with your partner because of that dissociation is another, but saying “I’m not gay” and then “I’m not a man” as the focal points of your distress don’t strike me as coming from a place of purely existentialist anxiety.
So, to sum all this up, I’m not sure if Al is trans. I can definitely read them that way and this page really makes me *want* to, but I could see it not going that way just as easily. Maybe even more easily, looking at the comic as a whole. I don’t really care which way you’re going, I love this comic for so many reasons already, and Al being either trans or cis won’t change that. ♥♥♥
That’s a really insighful analysis, I dig it! One of my favorite things about Al’s characterization has always been how much they detach instinctively from their own issues and focus on functional, concrete things and concrete ways of dealing with said things (partly due to their upbringing, like you mention); in a way, being turned into a robot is almost like an eerily fitting fate for them. Identity is a very strong theme in this comic, and there’s no unambiguous seam, I think, between Al’s identity regarding gender and their identity in a broader, existential sense.
Sulla herself is a very interesting case – “cut from the same cloth […] but not the same person” is such a good way to put it! I think we sort of tend to forget that Sulla isn’t made from Al’s DNA like a clone, but from their brain as it existed in adulthood, minus the memories (sort of). Al’s brain has gone through all they did (obviously), and I am not very knowledgeable about neurology but I don’t think memory is the only thing that changes as you develop as a person? So it’s a complicated issue we have here regarding identity. And Sulla herself *does* have issues regarding identity and belonging herself that neither exclude nor tie back directly to her being trans, so Al’s case could be similarly complex, barring the fact that Al never even got the encouragement or space to extricate all that as a youngster.
Anyway thank you for sharing this insight! Lots of good theorizing in this page’s comments. C:
I just spent the whole night reading this comic without a pause, and it’s by far the best webcomic I’ve ever read! I can’t tell how much it’s made me feel while reading it, the characters are just so complex and felt so real… I’ll be waiting for the next update and support this comic as much as I can! (Feel free to correct any mistakes I could have made kn this comment, I still need to work on my english ^^’ )
you did well!
My spouse is asleep, so I couldn’t make the noise I wanted when I read this update, but there was chair dancing OH MY GOD WAS THERE CHAIR DANCING.
For anyone rejecting or questioning the trans interpretation (or who just wants to see a pretty picture), let me direct you toward Blue’s lovely piece of Pride art from last June: https://twitter.com/bluedelliquanti/status/1012503352725237760
Al may not be binary trans like Sulla, but clearly SOMETHING is going on there genderwise.
I am SO EXCITED to see what happens next.
Thinking about Sulla pulling Al out of the river…
I think what breaks my heart the most about this page is how *certain* Al sounds. It’s not “I don’t think I’m a man,” it’s “I’m *not* a man!”
That sn’t someone who’s just putting this together after seeing a teenage brain clone of theirs running around as a happy little trans girl – that’s someone who knows who and what they are. Who *has* known for a long time with perfect clarity.
God… I’m crying again. How long has she been deliberately not vocalizing this, despite being fully aware of herself? Please don’t fuck this up Brendan. Please tell me you learned from Sulla because Al is going to need your support here almoat more than Sulla did. She’s been holding this in for decades, most likely.
(i hope she/her is okay? Considering that’s what Sulla uses I assumed they were safe for Al, too, but maybe they/them would be better for now? Sulla just seems pretty binary and I know I felt weird when people used they/them for me after I came out when I wanted she/her but they weren’t comfortable thinking of me as a woman yet… ahh anyway omg the wait for an update is killing me hahaha)
What an incredible reveal. It was set up and built toward perfectly, and even though I’m not shocked (because it was always a possibility) it still took my breath away… I’m so proud of Al and I love them/her. The way you built this narrative to clearly frame Al through Brendan’s eyes as opposed to through Al’s perspective apart from those little glimpses we got, it simulates for us as the audience the cognitive dissonance of someone you love and think you (mostly) understand turning around and recontextualizing everything you thought you knew about them. I totally understand the people who are feeling hurt reading through the comments, it does suck to see people grasping for a different explanation when that is what so many trans people have experienced when what they needed was acceptance and love. At the same time, I think this conversation is showing just HOW powerful your writing is, Blue – many readers are experiencing this cognitive dissonance at Al’s reveal because they’re seeing it through Brendan’s eyes, just as you set up… and having the experience of working through that with this comic will broaden minds and hearts. Maybe not every time, maybe not this time, even, but it will be a powerful catalyst for people.
I’m full of so many emotions – this climax is spectacular. Thank you for your amazing storytelling, Blue – and thank you for your courage, Al.
Called it! Of *course* Sulla would have an easier time coming out. She lives in a time where societal transmisogyny & cisnormativity is a tiny fraction of what Al(?) dealt with growing up, and not only that but she grew up as a robot, knowing she could make whatever alterations she wanted to her body relatively easily. I’ve been thinking Al(?) was an egg ever since Sulla was first introduced, but all the moreso when I saw how they reacted to her existence
My first thought was to ask whether that’s “I’m not a man now” or “I have always been not a man.” After all, it’s still a possibility that Sulla being female was an inaccuracy in the recording of a dying brain, one that was (likely unwittingly) replicated in whatever was done to produce this more accurate replica of Al. Sure, there’s been apparent dramatic irony on the subject in flashbacks, but since Al never reacted to it, we don’t know it’s not a red herring. I don’t like to assume.
But what can I reasonably do but assume? Certainly not ask Al, for why should I expect a reliable answer? Al has nothing but memory to say whether anything changed, and in the case that Al’s feelings aren’t accurate to the original why should the memories of feelings be any different? I don’t even trust my own memories of feelings, and I was never once resurrected with a copy of unknown providence and fidelity.
I have discovered a truly marvelous discussion of the indistinguishability of whether Al was always trans or it was simply an artifact of Brendan’s incomplete scan which ended up in both Sulla and synthetic Al which this comment section is too narrow to contain (because it ate my comment the first time).
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
I had the realisation that this could be read as a twisted, harrowing parody of the closing lines in “Some Like It Hot”.
I’ve been binging this comic after an all nighter and I’ve just been WAITING for us to circle back to this. God the pay off is so satisfying.