Page 7.
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Next update will be Thursday, 4/21, followed by Monday 4/25. ECCC wiped me out more than I thought it would.
I’ve also put those OHS magnet sets up for sale, so go check those out!
O Human Star
by Blue Delliquanti
MORE OF BLUE’S STUFF
My poor heart, it is BREAKING. *hugs both of them*
So either Al is going to:
A:) Run off into the woods
B:) Have a panic attack
C:) Get out of the car and go to Brendan’s side of the car to physically go to him.
Hoping for option C, assuming A or B considering he tried to leave while the vehicle was still *moving*.
Noooooo
(I don’t know yet what exactly it is I’m ‘nooo’ing, but the whole scene is just so painful)
*screams at the first part of Brendan’s sentence* *screams at the second part of Brendan’s sentence*
(slowly falls to the floor laughing) this is fine!
(once in the fetal position on the floor, cries)
aaaaaaaaa I can’t wait for the next page
LOCK THAT DOOR GIMEL
*dies*
Brendan was always a man with words, but this is really ugly. Hope he explains himself, or Al will be gone forever
Brendan, broseph, I know you were hungry, but BOTH feet?
alright.
good.
as this Progression, as well, is “on target.”
i need a story with Dramatic Tension to keep me engaged, after all.
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and, perhaps to “defend” brendan (if only a little): even if alastair’s child•hood was Fucked, such circumstance does not completely vindicate him from promulgating Hurt to brendan, back in the Red.
if al,—smart man that he is,—had the cognition to divine He wasn’t able to provide brendan whatever brendan (thinks he) needed, in Intimate Companionship, or was not at all willing to try to satisfy Brendan: then, alastair should have been the one to, like an Adult, explain all this to brendan, and let him be.
that way, there’d be no room for Ambiguity.
no Let allotted, for bren to re-kindle that old Flame he once extinguished.
(although, again: i apprehend that blue’s engendering such a scenario would not likely provide for an Engaging Story.
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why would blue need to waste her time, through embarking upon a meaningless endeavour?)
. . . . .
ah ha!
what’s this?
could it be that, from the spectators and commentators, Al garners more sympathy in comparison to brendan, only on the merit of alastair’s being more æsthetically-pleasing, and desirable, (overall) of the two?
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i see…
…
I See; and, i am not quite happy, at all, knowing the repercussions of this distinction of our leather-pants’d Draco’s, here — ´not cool, whatsommever.
ostensibly, alastair has hurt and distressed brendan more than once.
(´likely, repeating the same mistakes in spite of clear and explicit reprimands issued, every time.
{mister pinksy does seem like the type to Air His Grievances, as he encounters them})
in manners which,—if, only, in brendan’s eyes,—go above and beyond the normal Hitches & Pratfalls we humans may encounter during a domestic pairing.
even within a pairing, which [the Aggrieved] does indeed possess a modicum of understanding of the kind of “Special Baggage” the other has weighing him down.
otherwise: why would it be a “mistake” for brennie to fall in love with al again?
for, one of these conditions surely must be true, if that’s the case:
• brendan is [fucked in the head], and cannot see he continues being Totes Unfair to allie, in consideration of allie’s traumatic past
• alastair is [fucked in the head], and still has yet to apprehend that his persistent neuroticism/paranoia isn’t cute, and is totally within his capability to amend, in some way!!
• both are [fucked in the head], to a “not-insignificant” degree. (this is plausible.)
would B-man say such a thing, solely to throw a petty jab at … a freaking android (please, no quibbles with me about my terminology, there, if it’s incorrect — okay)?
surely, brendan must be justified,—at least partly,—in making such an assertion (even if brendan misunderstands the circumstances under which sulla took the path that diverged from what her father preferred)?
yeah?
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yeah?
do you-all unequivocally believe it’s been fair to brendan, that in brendan, Al found a guy whom Al could, finally, explore-and-enjoy his (presumably) long-repressed Sexual Desires, Sexuality, and find Camaraderie — while not bequeathing anything as meaningful in return, to brennie?
what did al provide for bren, that bren didn’t already reciprocate?
as of now, the most major fault i can see in brendan, in reference to his relationship with Al, was his not being completely empathetic of alastair’s being Terrified; but, even with this, was al implying he had no faith in his partner to safely conduct al through any Torrents which would come of following brendan’s lead?
(was all that Seasoned Beef we loved gawking over, so much, really all for Show?
{allie hadn’t the physical prowess, at least, to crack open a homophobe’s jaw, rend asunder a Shoulder Socket, or gouge out an eye, before succumbing to a multi-person team attack, if one ever befell him?})
oh my……
Like, just one day ago Brendan was going: “Be careful with Al, he’s newly put in a cyborg body and might get shocked/traumatized easily! Don’t take him around the city!” And then he’s saying this ish. Like, let the guy deal with the fact he’s alive again and has a clone daughter of himself and is worshipped by robots everywhere.
Also…oh god, I don’t know how to unpack the above comment that implies that a middle aged greying dude is somehow considered more mainstream alluring and is suffering from Draco In Leather Pants syndrome, to say nothing of all the gross implications about reciprocal relationship bs and igorance of people with actual anxiety and ptsd and how their conditions affect behavior.
Suffice to say, Brendan has always been dismissive of Al’s more obvious social anxiety to the point of being resentful of how the condition limits Al’s ability to function. Al has his flaws too, but his are more not willing to trust/not willing to open up and talk about his past abuse/not willing to out himself. (Not sure if I count the last as a big flaw, it’s a totally valid and even life-saving choice.)
Brendan gets cruel when he’s angry, lashing out with words designed specifically to cut. Brendan has problems recognizing boundaries, and he also has difficulties with compassion towards Al when he responds to stress in ways that don’t seem properly assertive to him: breaking out in cold sweats, needing to withdraw from situations, needing to repress/suppress stress. I can understand how it would be frustrating for Brendan to not be told the history of Al’s self-harm scars, but he’s not understanding about how long it takes for people who have trauma like that to open up. Sometimes it takes years!
So yeah, this is definitely a ‘both feet in my mouth’ moment from Brendan, to say the very least. He’s the one who started this particular conversation on a hostile note. Al definitely made assumptions about his parenting and should not have done so, but Brendan stepped waaaay over the line.
halloa.
hi there, fallingivy!
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i want to point something out, to you: namely, have you happened to take into consideration, what is fueling brendan’s “anger,” here?
is this Anger, you referenced, one that comes from thin air? or, perhaps, is it an Anger which was engendered from al’s own prior indiscretions and Slightings towards brendan?
indiscretions and Slightings: numerous, severe, and traumatizing enough to justify brendan’s uttering such a devastating sentiment?
(if brendan may be faulted for anything else, it can be for his not recognizing, sooner, that he and the old man were, likely,—and simply,—Incompatible.
{´not made for each other, beyond a ‘superficial coupling.’}
{´should have never gotten himself emotionally involved with al.})
(although, to be fair: neither brendan nor alastair {2.0} “asked” to be in this current situation.
this-all was quite thrust upon them — y’know?)
so far, i haven’t seen anything in the story that had painted brendan as a sociopath, or a monster.
(no more so, anyway, than you or i may be capable of evincing, just through a normal course of any random day.)
what i did see, was several panels of allie hurting his partner.
al was a priggard to brendan, even before they had formally entered their partnerships!
so.
as of now, i have reservations towards making such a definitive statement on brendan, as Brendan gets cruel when he’s angry; since, maybe, he becomes ‘that way,’ only after being subjected to certain, extreme circumstances
not that i excuse brennie for this (unless he truly does aim to be parted from Alastair, forevermore).
however, i fail to see why brendan should be the only one getting the heap of the lambasting.
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the following has nothing to do with ‘victim-blaming’ — perish, The Thought!
rather, i only aim to remind, even Victims can victimize others.
this happens every single day.
every single hour.
if not every single minute.
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Draco von Alastair, himself, had not been above victimizing.
(what the hell was his beef with Lucille about??)
even if brendan’s methods weren’t “graceful” nor “tailoured” to allie’s specific set of needs (which i’ve already acknowledged, as being both Valid and Present), brendan tried to help Al.
i can’t even tell you, if brendan was ever able to make any significant progress, in that endeavour.
what i did witness, rather, was allie’s chewing brendan’s head off, upon al’s understanding what Sulla is.
(´didn’t seem like they ever made any Progress, in dealing with al’s Gender Identity, to me!)
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so.
fallingivy.
i can’t really say who is completely right, nor who is completely wrong.
it is plausible, neither are either.
i feel like i am an embodiment of brendan’s ‘less than “ideal”‘ looks and al’s over-arching introversion/desire (to a degree) to be to himself, among certain other stuff.
maybe my own empathy isn’t as dulled, therefore, as you may believe
Rex,
HOW did Al hurt Brendan?
By being gruff as Brendans’ boss before they started their relationship?
By not telling him his every last inner secret or gruesome past details he had fought long and hard to put behind him?
By turning Brendan down for sex ONCE when they had a LOT of company over inside of Al’s home…and where Al was already extremely uncomfortable having Brendan invite a gaggle of his friends over WITHOUT giving Al a heads up?
By not being ‘friends’ with all of Brendan’s friends because the were Brendans’ friends?
By not being particularly thrilled about being cloned into a transgender fifteen year old?
By being as you put it ‘old’ and not being trendy as Brendan would like him to be?
Wow. Al was really inconsiderate and vicious wasn’t he. Such abuse.
Maybe Brendan should have cloned himself instead of someone who was already a grown up, had a past, was different and actually had their own way of looking at things.
not quite, my Dove.
Well, I mean, Al repeatedly and consistently made Brendan feel like he was ashamed of him and the relationship, which seems to me like it would be pretty hurtful (especially to a man who is NOT closeted as far as I can tell and who does not WANT to be closeted).
Throughout the comic, you see Brendan, a young man who is confident and comfortable in his sexuality, meet and fall for an older, grizzled guy with a lot of baggage. What a lot of you guys seem to not think about is that Brendan DOES NOT KNOW THIS when starting the relationship.
When two people meet and start dating, they gradually discover things about each other typically, which furthers mutual understanding. Brendan is there trying to do just that, but Al (for perfectly valid reasons) is unable and unwilling to communicate much. He refuses to talk about his past much at all (even basic info about it), so in my point of view Brendan most likely does not know much about it. I think that he literally only knows the few snippets we’ve directly seen him learn, which again is really not much for people who have clearly been partners for years.
We’re seeing them develop throughout the relationship: Brendan does not initially realize how repressed Al is, why Al is the way he is, or that he’s been abused terribly somehow. Once he does learn the snippets he knows, he has already been dating Al for a while and they already have their own emotional baggage. Once Brendan starts to realize that Al might be too repressed to meet his emotional needs, they are already in love and very attached to each other (not to mention professionally entangled), and it becomes hard to logically look at things.
So, from that perspective, Al is denying their relationship repeatedly (which, again, he’s not out and that’s fine, but don’t try telling me that doesn’t hurt your partner if they want to be out), he goes along with it when the army general insults and diminishes Brendan, he doesn’t stick up for him or support him in the ways you’d expect half of a couple to. He is actively rude to Brendan’s friends who are ALSO his colleagues and they seem to basically live together, but he doesn’t ever want them over at the workshop. He’s so nervous about being outed that he overcompensates in the other direction frequently, and that has to suck a lot for Brendan. Brendan for his part doesn’t really understand this behavior at first because he has no idea what Al is dealing with, and I can only imagine that being very frustrating. A year and a half in we see Brendan doesn’t even know that Al’s uncle was in the army, a very basic and small detail about a family member. How is that sort of thing not extremely frustrating and hurtful for someone who is so open and who values communication so much?
Brendan, for his part, is definitely immature and makes a lot of mistakes (Al finally opens up at his request and his response is to try and take the multitool back out of misplaced fear, etc.). Overall though, he’s in a lot of pain. He knows what he needs out of a relationship, and he knows what he wants, and he’s fallen for someone who doesn’t and who can’t give him what he needs.
Al is not really capable of a relationship in the state he’s in, or at least, not a healthy one. Brendan knows this and thinks he can pull that behavior out of him. Al seems to know and struggle with the fact that he cant give Brendan what he wants, and that he is hurting him by not being able to. Neither he nor Al want to admit that Al is not capable of a relationship in the state he’s in because they love each other and don’t want to break up, and because they work together.
Now, if Al was willing to go into therapy, or make some effort to deal with his issues? Totally different ball game. That, I think, is what Brendan is repeatedly trying to push for, more openness, direct confrontation with his past, etc. Brendan is not a psychologist though, and doesn’t really know what he’s doing, and his his own emotional needs tangled up in everything as well, so he fucks it up a lot. He also doesn’t push him towards real help, he tries to help on his own as a boyfriend, which is a bad idea.
Overall I think they are two people who are both equally culpable in everything that happens between them, but one thing I do see Brendan doing is really trying at the relationship, whereas I don’t see Al putting too much effort into it and I see him as unwilling to break out of his comfort zone (although to be fair having sex with a man is VERY out of his comfort zone). That sort of imbalance really starts to hurt after a while, and it damages your self worth, and Brendan probably can’t fully understand it because he has exactly none of these issues and doesn’t even know where they come from in Al.
Really though, this just seems to me like two guys who can’t communicate trying to make it work and not doing so well at it. Sorry for the novel, I just really don’t get all the Brendan hate I guess. I see both sides and Al hurts him a lot, whether unintentionally or not.
I didn’t mind the novel, LS
´just sucks that, to this day, there doesn’t appear to be a way to get notified of comment responses
Huh, I thought I wanted to see what Ty was texting to Sulla at the end of the last chapter (I did see that, right?) but no, this is what I wanted to see.